Farking/Sex Is Good! So Fark EveryDay!

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce large amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth. ( So ladies if u want to have shiny hair & baby smooth skin..........get POKED everyday! BTW I do provide 'poking' service. )

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2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow. ( I suppose wild bed shacking poking will 'heal' all this problem in no time! )

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3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.( This I truly believed in as after every poking session with gf I end up half dead where as gf always said ' Some more horny!!!!' )

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4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers! ( It is 'safe' only if u do poking on the floor as I have broken my bed & even fall off the sofa when doing poking on it! Dam it is very painful if u fall on ur upright 'didi'! )

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5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being. ( All quarrel & disagreement is being solved by having a poking session! If the quarrel is very serious then get ready for a very long poking session! )

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6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy! ( Yes! This is very true but u will end up half dead for the guy! )

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7 Sex is the safest tranquillizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM. ( Yeah! Yeah! That is why after a long & heavy poking session I will sleep like a dead log! Oh yes! Whenever I couldn't sleep I will poke my gf! Ha! Ha! Ha! )

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8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up. ( This I am not very sure..........beside what if I do most of the kissing? Like on the 'nen nen' & down there? )

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9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain. ( He! He! To all my readers..........next time if u do have a humongous facking headaches just say to ur partner..........'Lets do some facking now! I have a very big headache! Instead of asking for panadol! )

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10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever. ( So do u have poking session with running nose? Yak! I don't! So I think not applicable! )

There u have it! Facking everyday is goof for u & it do tend to solve most married life problem. But unfortunately for me my biggest everyday problem is MONEY NOT ENOUGH!!! No amount of poking will solve my money problem!

Old Pussy!

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

5 Star Hotels! Horny Type Must Poke In!

How good a hotel is are rated by ‘star’ rating 5 stars rating being the best! Which meant its facilities, services, pricing and so on & so forth must be top notch according to the fellow who does the rating!

Now yours truly being a ‘Horny Ang Moh’ also do rating for the ‘Hotel’ he poke in! According to me the hotel will be awarded a ‘star’ for having the following:-

1.Friendly ‘hotel’……………………….You feels right at home. So good is the feeling you don’t mind taking off all your cloths! That is one STAR!

2.Physical outlook of the ‘hotel’…One look will make your bro stand to full attention! One STAR awarded for superstar outlook!

3.Well equipped…………………………The best hotel will be worthless if it is not well equipment or wrongly equipped! One STAR awarded for the best equipped hotel!

4.Service…………………………………….The most important factor! STAR studded service!

5.Well kept hotel………………………..One STAR awarded for hotel which is well kept.  

And now the name of the hotel which all guy must poke in is…………………

So small that it only have one tiny room! So small in fact I have to stand at all time & I cannot even bring in two big baggage which I have to leave outside the tiny room!

He! He! Guess the name of the hotel……………
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Not it is not Tune Hotel ( Yes it is very small & sometime cheap )!
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OK the name of the hotel is PUSSY!!!!!

Ha! Ha! Ha! How many of my dear reader guess correctly?

5 Star awarded for the best ‘Hotel’ according to Horny Ang Moh eh………..I meant Pussy which I have poked in shall have the following:-

Pussy that belong to a long legged slim lady- One look will make my bro stand up at full attention!

Pussy belong to a friendly lady. I have once poke in to a fierce lady……….she slapped, boxed & bite my bro.:(  So of cause I ended up no poking in!

A wet & tight pussy! It is really painful poking in to a dry pussy. On the other hand hammering lose pussy is not fun at all!

Pussy which belong to a lady who really know what you want in other word she know how to ‘service’ you! Imaging her gently stroking your dick with her soft tender hand ( this is why guy always like lady with soft tender hand ) & such you dick with her soft tender mouth & roll her wet tongue all over your dick head!

Finally a shaved pussy always gets awarded with a STAR! Lady who shaved their pussy really do know how to look after themselves & rest assured  that such pussy will be most delicious to be lick & ‘eaten’!

And finally one extra STAR for pussy which I poke for free!

So to all my dear ladies reader do look after your ‘hotel’ well, keep it clean & wet, regularly exercise it to keep it tight & if possible clear off all the surrounding wild bushes! Ladies you are all owner of 5 Stars Hotel! He! He! Ladies do drop me a line if yours ‘hotel’ have vacancy! I love to poke in for the night!

To all my dear readers a very big THANK YOU for poking in my horny site! Yes! It have being a long time since I last posted. Hope you enjoy the above post! Cheer to all & a belated happy CNY to all my Chinese readers & may all of you poke like rabbit this year!  

I Don’t Want To Spend A Lonely Weekend………..

How do you spend your weekend? Are you like me……….spending weekend cutting grass, cleaning out my untidy hut doing some simple DIY? And that is what I do during the weekend day times. As for the night I spend playing computer games or watching some boring movies. In short mostly I have a very boring weekend!

In true I never really look forward to weekend as I will be very bored! Alas this is not so for most of my friends who look forward to weekend starting from Friday night right after work. Why? Because they will be out partying with their girl friends where as for me, I will be a lonely guy. I really envy my friends who have the abilities to pick up women and flirt with women so easily.  Honestly speaking, I am not a handsome fellow & neither am I rich and so maybe because of this I always feel ‘inadequate’ somehow whenever I try to attract women, especially beautiful women. Somehow I always end up behaving like a fool & maybe this scarce off the lady.

So too all my dear readers, what am I suppose to do? Any tips & suggestion will be most appreciated. I just don’t want to spend any more lonely weekends.

How Nice If I Am A Bull!!!!

A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits was of
breeding bulls.

They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said,
"This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."

They walked a little further and saw another pen with a sign that said,
"This bull mated 120 times last year."

The wife hit her husband and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walked further and a third pen had a bull with a sign saying,
"This bull mated 365 times last year."

The wife got really excited and said, "that's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one"

The husband looked at her and said, "Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow." 

Yes! I don't mind being a bull if I got to poke a different cow/gf every day! But then alas I am just a poor fellow who only manage to have a single gf and so.................I only get to poke/fuck her every night!!! It is now getting to be very routine & very duty like! If I don't poke her it meant I don't love her & the only resting time will be when her 'aunty' cum to pay her monthly visit!  He! He! I don't mind to 'curi makan lembu.........I meant ayam'! If I cam find the 'ayam' that is!!!! Please don't let my gf know Ok!

How Do U Buy Your Condoms??

How do u buy condoms? U buy in pack of 3, 6 or 12? And why condoms cum in such pack? Well the following story will explain....................& at the end I will tell my readers how I buy my condoms!!

A  man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively.  Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.
" He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday,ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday."
"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers,
TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men.
ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....."

And so now u know why condoms cum in 3, 6 & 12. He! He! As for me I buy none of the pack because I buy in carton like buying cigarette. I usually buy in 12 boxes of condoms, 6 box of 'smooth' type & 6 box of 'rough' type. Where can I buy so much condoms? I can 't really buy it at any supermarket or seven-eleven of course,  the cashier will sure gave me funny look. No I bought it at my usual clinic as it got my favorable brand ( He! He! Approved by GF! ) & most importantly the lady dispensary just gave me my condoms & no question ask although she did gave me some 'funny' look& she either pity my GF or envy her!

Now to all my dear reader.............How do u buy your condoms?

I Want To Attract Ladies!

Are you a lonely guy like me? I have spent many lonely weekends alone with just my dog for companion playing computer games. This is no so for some of my friend who seems to have the power to attract women like fly to sugar. I really envy them. Every weekend they will be having a good time partying & clubbing away while I am quietly playing computer games alone in my small hut.

Why? I want to be like my friend who can pick up women like plucking apple from apple tree. I must find out why I am such a loser when it comes to me trying to attract ladies. Perhaps I should ask my friends to see if there is anything’s wrong with me physically or is it due to me being a very shy guy?

So to all my dear readers, can you teach me how to attract ladies & to all my ladies reader can you tell me what you find attractive in a guy. Thank you all so much for all your comment in advance.