Farking/Sex Is Good! So Fark EveryDay!

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce large amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth. ( So ladies if u want to have shiny hair & baby smooth skin..........get POKED everyday! BTW I do provide 'poking' service. )

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2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow. ( I suppose wild bed shacking poking will 'heal' all this problem in no time! )

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3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.( This I truly believed in as after every poking session with gf I end up half dead where as gf always said ' Some more horny!!!!' )

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4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers! ( It is 'safe' only if u do poking on the floor as I have broken my bed & even fall off the sofa when doing poking on it! Dam it is very painful if u fall on ur upright 'didi'! )

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5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being. ( All quarrel & disagreement is being solved by having a poking session! If the quarrel is very serious then get ready for a very long poking session! )

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6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy! ( Yes! This is very true but u will end up half dead for the guy! )

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7 Sex is the safest tranquillizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM. ( Yeah! Yeah! That is why after a long & heavy poking session I will sleep like a dead log! Oh yes! Whenever I couldn't sleep I will poke my gf! Ha! Ha! Ha! )

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8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up. ( This I am not very sure..........beside what if I do most of the kissing? Like on the 'nen nen' & down there? )

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9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain. ( He! He! To all my readers..........next time if u do have a humongous facking headaches just say to ur partner..........'Lets do some facking now! I have a very big headache! Instead of asking for panadol! )

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10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever. ( So do u have poking session with running nose? Yak! I don't! So I think not applicable! )

There u have it! Facking everyday is goof for u & it do tend to solve most married life problem. But unfortunately for me my biggest everyday problem is MONEY NOT ENOUGH!!! No amount of poking will solve my money problem!

Old Pussy!

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

5 Star Hotels! Horny Type Must Poke In!

How good a hotel is are rated by ‘star’ rating 5 stars rating being the best! Which meant its facilities, services, pricing and so on & so forth must be top notch according to the fellow who does the rating!

Now yours truly being a ‘Horny Ang Moh’ also do rating for the ‘Hotel’ he poke in! According to me the hotel will be awarded a ‘star’ for having the following:-

1.Friendly ‘hotel’……………………….You feels right at home. So good is the feeling you don’t mind taking off all your cloths! That is one STAR!

2.Physical outlook of the ‘hotel’…One look will make your bro stand to full attention! One STAR awarded for superstar outlook!

3.Well equipped…………………………The best hotel will be worthless if it is not well equipment or wrongly equipped! One STAR awarded for the best equipped hotel!

4.Service…………………………………….The most important factor! STAR studded service!

5.Well kept hotel………………………..One STAR awarded for hotel which is well kept.  

And now the name of the hotel which all guy must poke in is…………………

So small that it only have one tiny room! So small in fact I have to stand at all time & I cannot even bring in two big baggage which I have to leave outside the tiny room!

He! He! Guess the name of the hotel……………
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Not it is not Tune Hotel ( Yes it is very small & sometime cheap )!
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OK the name of the hotel is PUSSY!!!!!

Ha! Ha! Ha! How many of my dear reader guess correctly?

5 Star awarded for the best ‘Hotel’ according to Horny Ang Moh eh………..I meant Pussy which I have poked in shall have the following:-

Pussy that belong to a long legged slim lady- One look will make my bro stand up at full attention!

Pussy belong to a friendly lady. I have once poke in to a fierce lady……….she slapped, boxed & bite my bro.:(  So of cause I ended up no poking in!

A wet & tight pussy! It is really painful poking in to a dry pussy. On the other hand hammering lose pussy is not fun at all!

Pussy which belong to a lady who really know what you want in other word she know how to ‘service’ you! Imaging her gently stroking your dick with her soft tender hand ( this is why guy always like lady with soft tender hand ) & such you dick with her soft tender mouth & roll her wet tongue all over your dick head!

Finally a shaved pussy always gets awarded with a STAR! Lady who shaved their pussy really do know how to look after themselves & rest assured  that such pussy will be most delicious to be lick & ‘eaten’!

And finally one extra STAR for pussy which I poke for free!

So to all my dear ladies reader do look after your ‘hotel’ well, keep it clean & wet, regularly exercise it to keep it tight & if possible clear off all the surrounding wild bushes! Ladies you are all owner of 5 Stars Hotel! He! He! Ladies do drop me a line if yours ‘hotel’ have vacancy! I love to poke in for the night!

To all my dear readers a very big THANK YOU for poking in my horny site! Yes! It have being a long time since I last posted. Hope you enjoy the above post! Cheer to all & a belated happy CNY to all my Chinese readers & may all of you poke like rabbit this year!  

I Don’t Want To Spend A Lonely Weekend………..

How do you spend your weekend? Are you like me……….spending weekend cutting grass, cleaning out my untidy hut doing some simple DIY? And that is what I do during the weekend day times. As for the night I spend playing computer games or watching some boring movies. In short mostly I have a very boring weekend!

In true I never really look forward to weekend as I will be very bored! Alas this is not so for most of my friends who look forward to weekend starting from Friday night right after work. Why? Because they will be out partying with their girl friends where as for me, I will be a lonely guy. I really envy my friends who have the abilities to pick up women and flirt with women so easily.  Honestly speaking, I am not a handsome fellow & neither am I rich and so maybe because of this I always feel ‘inadequate’ somehow whenever I try to attract women, especially beautiful women. Somehow I always end up behaving like a fool & maybe this scarce off the lady.

So too all my dear readers, what am I suppose to do? Any tips & suggestion will be most appreciated. I just don’t want to spend any more lonely weekends.

How Nice If I Am A Bull!!!!

A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits was of
breeding bulls.

They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said,
"This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."

They walked a little further and saw another pen with a sign that said,
"This bull mated 120 times last year."

The wife hit her husband and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walked further and a third pen had a bull with a sign saying,
"This bull mated 365 times last year."

The wife got really excited and said, "that's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one"

The husband looked at her and said, "Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow." 

Yes! I don't mind being a bull if I got to poke a different cow/gf every day! But then alas I am just a poor fellow who only manage to have a single gf and so.................I only get to poke/fuck her every night!!! It is now getting to be very routine & very duty like! If I don't poke her it meant I don't love her & the only resting time will be when her 'aunty' cum to pay her monthly visit!  He! He! I don't mind to 'curi makan lembu.........I meant ayam'! If I cam find the 'ayam' that is!!!! Please don't let my gf know Ok!

How Do U Buy Your Condoms??

How do u buy condoms? U buy in pack of 3, 6 or 12? And why condoms cum in such pack? Well the following story will explain....................& at the end I will tell my readers how I buy my condoms!!

A  man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively.  Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.
" He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday,ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday."
"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers,
TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men.
ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....."

And so now u know why condoms cum in 3, 6 & 12. He! He! As for me I buy none of the pack because I buy in carton like buying cigarette. I usually buy in 12 boxes of condoms, 6 box of 'smooth' type & 6 box of 'rough' type. Where can I buy so much condoms? I can 't really buy it at any supermarket or seven-eleven of course,  the cashier will sure gave me funny look. No I bought it at my usual clinic as it got my favorable brand ( He! He! Approved by GF! ) & most importantly the lady dispensary just gave me my condoms & no question ask although she did gave me some 'funny' look& she either pity my GF or envy her!

Now to all my dear reader.............How do u buy your condoms?

I Want To Attract Ladies!

Are you a lonely guy like me? I have spent many lonely weekends alone with just my dog for companion playing computer games. This is no so for some of my friend who seems to have the power to attract women like fly to sugar. I really envy them. Every weekend they will be having a good time partying & clubbing away while I am quietly playing computer games alone in my small hut.

Why? I want to be like my friend who can pick up women like plucking apple from apple tree. I must find out why I am such a loser when it comes to me trying to attract ladies. Perhaps I should ask my friends to see if there is anything’s wrong with me physically or is it due to me being a very shy guy?

So to all my dear readers, can you teach me how to attract ladies & to all my ladies reader can you tell me what you find attractive in a guy. Thank you all so much for all your comment in advance.

Lonely….I Want To Have A DATE!!!!!

Come every Friday & weekend…………..my gang of ‘hamsaplou’ ( Cantonese slang for horny ) friends will be like an expert pickup artist with so many ladies to ‘pick-up’ for their ‘ahem ahem’ weekend activities. Me………..I am also a ‘hamsaplou’, just look at my nick……….I am Horny Ang Moh, but unfortunately for me the only lady I manage to ‘pick up’ every weekend ( actually everyday ) is my one & only gf.

Why like this arrrr???? I want to meet women easily like my friends so that I can have a wonderful ‘ahem ahem’ weekend. What is it that my friend have that I don’t have?

Ok! Ok! I know they got a ‘banana’ but so do I, well maybe, are their banana are bigger than mine?

They are more handsome than me? Well I am not exactly handsome but then my gf always call me ‘big baby’ so I take that I am cute!

Is it because my friend have big car? Yes! I know that lady pick their guy depending on what sort of car they drive. Yes my friend drive sport car & executive car. But I don’t think I lose in this area, because I drive the biggest car among then! He! He! I drive a big diesel 4X4 truck! So any lady with me in my big diesel truck should feel very safe!

Is it because they are rich??? Now this I got to admit defeat. My friend got big bungalow & condominium where as for me I just got a hut, living in the countryside rearing a few chickens & growing some veggies.

So I conclude to be a successful ‘hamsaplou’ picking up ladies for ‘ahem ahem’ weekend u must be very rich! It does not matter if u r handsome or not & the size of the car u drive! I am cute & I drive a big ass diesel truck but because I am poor I got to stay alone with my chickens & I only got to ‘ahem ahem’ my gf!

So to all my dear readers, r u a successful pickup artist or r u likes me, lonely every weekend? Do teach me some of ur tips on ‘how to meet women’. Thank you very very much.

Oh please don’t let my gf know that I am dying to meet women, other women to have a very good ‘ahem ahem’ weekend! My gf will kill me!

Horny Answers 4 'Unsual' ????

Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR? A: It's Braille for 'suck here'. ( Hemmm.........I should have know use this 'knowledge' last time to 'suck' my gf 'nen nen' ) Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS? A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.' (Now I know! Next time I should just ask gf which type of kiss she want? Normal? French? Australian? OR EXTRA SPECIAL AUSTRALIAN KISS!!!!) Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS? A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear. (Hemmm........if I have kept all my used 'dom dom' it will be more then enough to make a small bicycle tire! This is because gf always prefer my 'di di undress'!!! Anyway I always deposed my used 'dom dom' in empty Maggi mee bag!) Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN? A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them. (Oh Yes! Some lady r really a hurricane when u have poke them long enough!) Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING ? A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch... (Ok! I will try to see if gf rub her eyes next morning!)

U Wash 'Didi/Poosie' First When Going 2 Bath?

When you step into a shower, which part of the body do you wash first? Please select a body first? A. Chest *( Nen Nen for lady ) B. Face C. Armpits D. Hair E. Privates ( Poosie for lady, 'didi' for guy ) F. Shoulders G. Others ( As in butt ) Now Scroll Down To See What Your Answer Means.

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A. Chest: You are a practical person. Straightforward and do not beat around the bush. To you, convenience is of paramount importance. You hate to be distracted when concentrating and are impatient with people who do not see things your way. A good sex partner and willing to try new things. Your best partner in life will be those who choose D (Hair).

( I am sure most lady will wash their 'nen nen' first! I suppose 'inpatient with people who don't see their way' apply!!! )

B. Face: Money is important to you and you will do anything to get it. Integrity and dignity is not important. You feel that friends are there to be used and life is one big hassle. Other people find it hard to understand you, but you are not concerned as to what they think. Very self-centered person. Average sex partner as too selfish and tend to be absorbed in self pleasure at the expense of your partner. Your best partner in life will be those who choose E (Privates) and G (Others).

C. Armpits: You are a dependable and hard working person. Generally very popular person as you are very down to earth and willing to help others. Tend to get yourself into trouble as you cannot tell whether people are genuine towards you. Make very poor sex partners as you are the working type with average talent. Your best partner in life will be those who choose F (Shoulders).

D. Hair: Artistic type. Daydreaming is your hobby, but you can achieve what most other people cannot. Dedication is lacking, but you will work tirelessly towards goals which are to your liking. Money is not important. Friends are but only intellectuals and fellow artistic types. Make the best sex partners as you are most willing to explore and please the other partner. Talent is your main strength. Your best partner in life will be those who chose A (Chest) and E (Privates).

E. Privates: Shy type. You lack self confidence and tend to be bullied by others. You do not have lots of friends as others find you boring and unattractive. Perseverance is not your strength and you tend to give up easily and at the first opportunity. However, you make an above average sex partner. You are able to show your true emotions to very few people. Hence in sex, you find your inner strengths. Your best sex partner in life will be those who choose B (Face) and D (Hair).

F. Shoulder: A born loser. You fail in everything that you do. People dislike you and you tend to spend your time alone. Your type have been known to be heavy gamblers and drinkers. You see the world as a living hell. Money and power is also important to you. But your luck will always fail you. You make a lousy sex partner. You will find it difficult to find a partner in life. Those who choose C (Armpits) are your only chance.

G. Others: You are a very average person. Undoubtedly, you have your inner strengths, but people find it hard to see. You must learn to be a little bit more adventurous and see your potential. Deep down, you are very like able person with very few faults. However, the key will be to make your strengths stand out and not just hide you weakness. You are an average sex partner. You have great fantasies about different techniques, but unfortunately are not brave enough to try them out. Your best partner in life will be those who choose B (Face). So to all my dear readers which part of ur body u wash first when u go 2 bath?!!!! Ah if u want to know which part of my body I wash first, u r most wellcum to take a bath with me! But invitation only apply to ladies..............No way am I going to take a bath with any guy!!!!

I Want A Mask! Not A Condom!

IRONY AT ITS BEST

A few thousands people get the Swine Flu,

and everybody wants to wear a mask.

10 million people have AIDS,

and no one wants to wear a condom.

Penis........NOT LONG ENOUGH!!!!

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer. At the appropriate point in the process the computer advised him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on.

The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was entering by stating each letter out loud as he
typed:

P E N I S

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:


PASSWORD
REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH !!

He! He! Those of u who work & have to log on their work station will understand that it is a real pain in the ass trying to remember the various password to use & some more have to use a combination of character, number & minimal number of combination, usually ranging from 6 to 12. Now it become a real pain in the ass when u r force to input new password every 60 days & u r not allow to use the same password ever! Oh! Yes! One of my work station impost such protocol!

So how do u over cum such rule........how about the following:-

penis1cm ( look my penis is definitely much much longer then this )
penis2cm
penis3cm
penis4cm
& so on & when u r tried of using cm u can use inches like so:-
penis1in
penis2in...........

Now some smart ass IT bugger will make such password 'illegal', u can try the following password & see if it is 'illegal':-

fuck ( follow by ur boss name/initial or even ur company name )
fack ( if ur IT bugger always poke into the net )
pussy ( u can use poosie instead )
knnccb ( if ur IT if a hokkian/hakka bugger, it meant 'fuck ur mother smelly pussy )
3278 ( if ur IT is a foochow bugger, it meant fuck ur pussy )
BloodyMary ( if ur IT bugger is a 'Ang Moh' )
FuckMU ( if ur IT bugger is a Manchester United fanatic )
FuckLiverfool ( if ur IT bugger is a Liverpool fanatic )

Well the above is just some of the 'illegal' password, do add some more in the comment!

Have a very nice day to all my dear readers! :)

12" Vs 14"

Aiyoh! If mine is 7” I will be very happy already ( Hemmm! On the other hand mine could be much longer that that but it is only for my gf usage! ) ! Now u r talking about a 12”…………r u a giant or u r a wild buffalo! Come on guy I am sure most of ur average ‘equipment’ is about between 3” to 6” ( just my wild guess ) so what if I post up an entry about 12” vs 14”! I am sure u want to know how it feel like, how deep will it go, does it feel like what a 12” should or how about a 14”! The extra 2” make any different? Well first thing first……….ask any ladies?! I can assure any extra inches will make a big different & in this case the extra 2” will make a big different! Ok enough talking I will now show u the pic of a 12” vs a 14”!!!!

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There, what do u think of this! Oh! Come on my dear readers, surely u don’t expect me to post up a pic of a 12” ‘didi’ ( cock ) vs a 14” ‘didi’ now do u? Oh! Well maybe be in future post. Now this will be a post on SVS PC-12NSD sub woofer vs Paradigm DSP-3400. And as show in the pic the SVS PC-12NSD is one humungous dicky looking sub, towering over the shortish Paradigm DSP-3400.

So how is performance of the SVS PC-12NSD vs the Paradigm DSP-3400? Well I expect the SVS PC-12NSD to kick Paradigm DSP 3400 ass as it is more powerful with 325w vs 300w. The only saving grace the Paradigm DSP 3400 has is a bigger sub woofer at 14” vs SVS PC-12NSD 12”. After setting up the sub, all setting is the same except for the sub, even the setting of the two subs are the same. Test track uses are U571, Transformer, Ironman & some song. All this track are either in Dolby Digital 5.1 or in DTS 5.1.

And the finding is Paradigm DSP 3400 is a better sub when compare to the SVS PC-12NSD. The SVS PC-12NSD just can’t go as low as the Paradigm DSP 3400 & also it power output is not as powerful or as loud as the Paradigm DSP 3400 even though the SVS has a more powerful amp. Measured by SPL meter, to output at the same level, the SVS gain level has to be set higher by about 10%.

Well I am actually not very surprise as this is a very unfair comparison as SVS PC-12NSD is the entry level subs where as the Paradigm DSP-3400 is the top range of the ported Paradigm sub woofer. Now if only I can get my hand on a SVS PC-13Ultra that will be a more suitable candidate.

Now while all this performance test is being carried I did find some annoying vibrating noise coming from the metal grill on top of the SVS & also from the sub woofer itself, this happen at very high volume & I did bottom the sub on a few occasion. I suspect some lose wire inside & thus this call for an inspection inside. He! He! Oh yes! I love to open up & inspect the inside of almost anything’s ( Being a Horny fellow I feel so sexited! It is almost just like when I first open up & poke into my gf for the very first time! So I almost whisper “Come on Baby! Spray opens ur sexy leg!” Ehhhh! I meant when I unscrew the few screw to open up the SVS PC-12NSD. )!

Opening the SVS is a simple affair just 10 screws & I am done! Oh! I have to open up from behind, I meant underneath as I can’t took out the plate amp ( SVS has the weird idea of using a square hole screw to secure the plate amp, yes it can still be taken out but a bit of a bother so just taking out the sub woofer is easier. )

The above pic shown the inside of the SVS PC, notice that I have to put the up-side down SVS on a sofa cushion so as not to damage the metal grill which incidentally can't be taken out as it is being glue to the body. The material of the cylinder itself is made from a sort of high density paper pulp well that is what it look like to me, the base is made from laminated plywood. Without the heavy sub woofer, the SVS 'body' is not very heavy.

Now this is how a SVS sub woofer look likes & it is very heavy. Notice the heavy double magnate. This sub woofer oozes high quality & power. On its own without comparison to the Paradigm DSP 3400 (whose sub woofer is even bigger & more impressive) the SVS PC-12NSD will beat most other similarly priced sub woofer. Oh yes the ratting sound is being solved as I just position the sub wire so that it don't touched the inside wall. The grill rattling is still that, but not that noticeable unless the volume is really crank up.

Do I like this SVS PC-12NSD? Oh yes! For its price & performance but I don’t like it finished! The ‘high end fabrics’ carpet like material covering the body of the SVS PC-12NSD, love to attract dust & even a few hairs! On most other sub woofer cleaning is just a simple affair using a damp cloth, but for SVS PC sub woofer u got to use a vacuum cleaner!

Also using this carpet like material as covering, the SVS PC sub woofer look more like those use in car sub woofer. This somehow ‘lower’ is ‘value’ as a top grade home HT sub woofer. In fact when I proudly show off the SVS PC-12NSD to one of my gust……………his first remark is what the hell r u doing putting a ‘drum’ ( apparently ‘drum’ is a cylinder sub woofer used in car ice system……..typically found in a ‘Ah Beng’ car ice! ) in ur living room! Luckily only one such remark from this fellow who is into car ice, while most of my gusts marvel at such a sub woofer.

Well I took the liberty to ‘install’ the SVS PC-12NSD in my car & also my 4X4 & boy it did look good & very much at home! Now that is one very versatile sub woofer! If I do get tired of using it as my home HT sub woofer I can always took out the plate amp & sub woofer & in its place a high end car mono block amp & car sub woofer & it performance will be awesome! Well if the SVS PC sub is to be finished in shiny Piano black this option as car ‘drum’ sub woofer will be out, but then in my opinion it will surely enhance it ‘value’ as a top quality HT sub woofer!

Since I got two sub woofers on hand I might as well set up my HT system to 7.2 & that really rock! It is now like a war zone whenever a bomb goes off, the floor, ceiling, table vibrate & even my ball feel it! Oh yes! 7.2 rocks! The SVS PC-12NSD wills not performance like the Paradigm DSP 3400 but it sure did compliment it! So if u do find this post too 'horny' u r wellcum to poke in here, a more 'normal' version.Oh yes here are my previous ‘review’ on the Paradigm DSP 3400 here (horny vision) & here.

'Nen Nen' ( Breast ) Being 'Played' Everyday!!!

You know there are so many TV channels, each starved of new programs.In a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who may have some theories on the matter ..

The interview was as follows:

The lady reporter: "I am here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?"

The farmer stared at the reporter and said: "Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?"

Reporter (obviously embarrassed) : "Well, sir, that's a new piece of information.. but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?"

Farmer: "And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?"

Reporter: "Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?"

Farmer: "I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day ... and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?"

The program was never aired ......

And now to all my lady readers.............Will You Get Mad If I 'Play' With Your 'Nen Nen' ( Breast ) Everyday But Only Poke You Once A Year???

10 Types Of Ladies! Which Types R U?

there are 10 types of girl in this word, how? just check it out.

No.1 hard disk girls:
'' she remember everything FOREVER ''

No.2 RAM girls:
'' she forgets about you, the moment you turn her off ''

No.3 CD rom girls:
'' she is always faster and faster ''

No.4 windows girls:
'' every one knows that she can't do anything right, but no one can live without her ''

No.5 multimedia girls:
'' she makes horrible things look beautiful ''

No.6 screensaver girls:
'' she is good for nothing but atleast she is fun ''

No.7 internet girls:
'' difficult to access ''

No.8 server girls:
'' always busy when you need her ''

No.9 e-mail girls:
'' every ten things she says, eight are nonsense ''

No.10 virus girls:
'' also knowns as WIFE when you are not expecting her, she comes,installs herself and use all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose something, If you dont try to uninstall her......... .....you will lose everything.

So to all my dear readers which types of ladies r u & for the guys which type of gf do u have?

Sexerise! For Better Health & Burn Calories!!!

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent - 12 Calories
Without her consent - 2,187 Calories

I know as I have try to 'rape' gf & removing her cloths is a real pain in the ass.............now I understand why a lady takes ages to get dressed!

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands - 8 Calories
With one hand - 12 Calories
With your teeth - 485 Calories

I have no try my teeth before but with more practice u will get the hang of it.

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection - 6 Calories
Without an erection - 3,315 Calories

This I have no idea as it is my gf who dress my 'bro'! And with practice she is now quite good in condoming up my cock!

POSITIONS:
Missionary - 12 Calories
69 lying down - 78 Calories
69 standing up - 812 Calories
Wheelbarrow - 216 Calories
Doggy Style - 326 Calories
Italian chandelier - 2,912 Calories

Try all the above except the 'Italian chandelier'..........Actually I have no idea what style is that & beside peasant fellow like me don't have any chandelier just cheapo flo lamp! But I can say try banging for 20 minutes in any of the above will make u sweat like a wild boar in heat!

ORGASMS:
Real - 112 Calories
Fake - 1,315 Calories

So far all is real for gf...........Hemmmmm maybe because of this she didn't look too tired whereas for me I am all wet as to make her cum I have to work real hard!

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging - 18 Calories
Getting up immediately - 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately - 816 Calories

No really applicable for me as I do sometime get out of bed to have a few puff after a good banging sexerise!

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years - 36 Calories
30-39 years - 80 Calories
40-49 years - 124 Calories
50-59 years - 1,972 Calories
60-69 years - 7,916 Calories
70 and over - Results are still pending

This I am not really sure as a good blow job will get my 'equipment' all charged up in no time!

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly.. - 32 Calories
In a hurry - 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door - 5,218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door - 13,521 Calories

This is not applicable to me as so far I never get dressed after banging my gf & so far I have only bang my gf.............He! He! Maybe next time I bang some other lady & try?

Results may vary! So to all my dear readers, what do u think of the above? Have u try it out?

OH BTW THERE'S A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD!
Right now, as you read this,
69 Million People are having SEX ! He! He! So R U banging ur gf/wife now? Or r u still on ur computer reading my crappy entries?

Darling 'U R Beautiful'!!!???

I am being 'force' to say 'Darling U R So Beautiful' even if she is so ugly ( Now tell me how can u say a lady is beautiful when she put on her 'beauty mask'??? ). To all my dear readers surly u do ask ur hubby/bf how beautiful u look after u just have ur hairdo don't u? Yes! This is the most common time when a lady ask this question ' How do I look? '!!!

Trust me on this I know! And my answer is 'Honey! U look fantasTIT! Shall I 'poke' u now?!!!' Last time I use to answer back 'Aiyoh! Why spend so much on ur hairdo? What u spend on ur hairdo can pay for the whole month living expenses! Yah Lah! Of cause u look beautiful after spending so much!' And the result from this remark is 'NO POKEING for the whole week!!! & my gf will be sulking for the next few days!

Now read the following & read my ending:-

Telling your wife she's not pretty may soon be an offense

By MUGUNTAN VANAR

KOTA KINABALU: A husband telling his wife that she is no longer pretty in an attempt to humiliate her can be classified as an emotional violence offence if amendments are made to the Domestic Violence Act (DVA)1994.

The plan is to amend the DVA for the inclusion of a clause on emotional violence against women.

Currently, they are only protected only against physical abuse, Women's Development Department director-general Datuk Dr Noorul Ainur Mohd Nur said.

She said on Wednesday that the aim for proposing the amendment was to safeguard women both physically and emotionally.

Dr Noorul said emotional violence was a form of abuse that would deeply scar a woman and lower their self-esteem, dignity and self-confidence.

“It could be a case where her husband tells his wife she is ugly or humiliates her until she feels emotionally pressured,” she told reporters at the end of a seminar on how to curb violence against women at Wisma Wanita here.

She added they were in the process of bringing the proposed amendments to Parliament.

State Community development and Consumer Affairs Minister Datuk Azizah Mohd Dun closed the seminar organised by Sabah Women’s Affairs Department.

Azizah, in her speech, said that there was a need for the law to protect emotional violence against women.

Now due to this I have no choice but say 'Honey U R So Beautiful'! I am a poor fellow I cannot afford to be sue by any ladies up-side down & in-side out!

Oh yes, I do believed ladies need 'protection' against 'emotional violence' but how about us guy? Don't we need 'protection' too? What will happen if the following happen?

My gf scream at me 'U r really useless! Good for nothing buffalo! Not! U r not even qualified to be a buffalo! U got such a short DICK!!!& it is SOFT too!!!' Now tell me my dear readers will I be 'emotional raped'??? Can I sue my gf? Where is my recourse? Where can I get help & heal my 'emotion'???

So tell me, my dear readers what is you opinions?

P/S My gf is really 'beautiful' ok...............& He! He! The above 'conversation' never did take place ( I hope it never will! ) & please I don't not qualifiel to be a 'buffallo'!

On Heat! I Am On Heat!

R u on heat? By this it normally meant u r real horny...........ready do to poking ( fucking ) or to be poked if u r a lady. Well I am a real horny guy, well online that is ( in real life I am a very boring fellow ) so I am on 'heat' most of the time, every ready to poke into any available 'hole'!

Nah! This post is not about 'on heat'...........it is about real heat. It is so damn hot lately. The weather is like going on heat wave. So very very hot! So to all my dear readers what do u do in during this hot weather?

Take a bath! That is what I do as taking bath is the cheapest meant to keep cool. But it is like taking a 'hot' bath instead as the water is also 'hot'. So right after bathing I am all in sweat against!

Switch on air-con! Well for most people but poor bum like me can't afford the electric bill, so only switch on air-con if bathing method fail.

Take off all your cloths! Wear nothing! Now that is what I do! He! He! Of cause I can do this as I leave in the country side with no neighbor around. Wow! It feel real nice to go about naked, it feel real windy & nice 'down there'! Now how nice that will be if we didn't discovered wearing cloth.

Now this should solve my 'heat' problem except it made me go on 'heat' instead! Now seeing me going about naked in the house make my gf real horny & of cause she fondle & play with my 'bro', that make me go on 'heat' mode so poking session started & that make me sweat all over against!

So to my dear readers all the above methods don't work for me. Any other suggestion? So how do u keep cool in this hot weather?

Hamsap ( Horny ) Joke!

Failure is not when ur girlfriend leaves you...
It's only when u leave her a virgin.

Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both r pregnant!
Tragedy: When U r Not responsible 4 both!

The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of Sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female. And you always wondered why the sea tasted Salty?!

Why is it that a girl looks down when u say I love u?
To see if u really mean it!

Why is sex similar to shaving?
Well, because no matter how well u do it today,
tomorrow u have to do it again.

Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.

Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-olympic sex .
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 Years.

The stock markets now are like an old man's dick?
Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone is still getting fucked!

This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread the slogan: We stare because we care!

The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls.
The Lord Almighty sentenced them to: Hang Till Death !

A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in.
He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.

What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?
Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.

If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
Tit-Bits.
And if it bursts in a man's underwear?
Banana split.

What's the diff between a bomb n a condom?
In a bomb blast population decreases & if a condom blasts population increases.

Dead Cock!

Take a short break from stress and enjoy this joke my dear readers. Ok, this is how it sounds like:

Judge : "You want to divorce your husband for threatening you with his DEADLY WEAPON?"

Wife : "You got me wrong, Your Honor. I'm divorcing him for threatening me every night with a DEAD WEAPON!"

Hope u enjoy this very short entry..........He! He! No much 'activities' due to 'dead cock'!!!