I Don’t Want To Spend A Lonely Weekend………..

How do you spend your weekend? Are you like me……….spending weekend cutting grass, cleaning out my untidy hut doing some simple DIY? And that is what I do during the weekend day times. As for the night I spend playing computer games or watching some boring movies. In short mostly I have a very boring weekend!

In true I never really look forward to weekend as I will be very bored! Alas this is not so for most of my friends who look forward to weekend starting from Friday night right after work. Why? Because they will be out partying with their girl friends where as for me, I will be a lonely guy. I really envy my friends who have the abilities to pick up women and flirt with women so easily.  Honestly speaking, I am not a handsome fellow & neither am I rich and so maybe because of this I always feel ‘inadequate’ somehow whenever I try to attract women, especially beautiful women. Somehow I always end up behaving like a fool & maybe this scarce off the lady.

So too all my dear readers, what am I suppose to do? Any tips & suggestion will be most appreciated. I just don’t want to spend any more lonely weekends.

How Nice If I Am A Bull!!!!

A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits was of
breeding bulls.

They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said,
"This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."

They walked a little further and saw another pen with a sign that said,
"This bull mated 120 times last year."

The wife hit her husband and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walked further and a third pen had a bull with a sign saying,
"This bull mated 365 times last year."

The wife got really excited and said, "that's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one"

The husband looked at her and said, "Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow." 

Yes! I don't mind being a bull if I got to poke a different cow/gf every day! But then alas I am just a poor fellow who only manage to have a single gf and so.................I only get to poke/fuck her every night!!! It is now getting to be very routine & very duty like! If I don't poke her it meant I don't love her & the only resting time will be when her 'aunty' cum to pay her monthly visit!  He! He! I don't mind to 'curi makan lembu.........I meant ayam'! If I cam find the 'ayam' that is!!!! Please don't let my gf know Ok!

How Do U Buy Your Condoms??

How do u buy condoms? U buy in pack of 3, 6 or 12? And why condoms cum in such pack? Well the following story will explain....................& at the end I will tell my readers how I buy my condoms!!

A  man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively.  Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.
" He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday,ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday."
"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers,
TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men.
ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....."

And so now u know why condoms cum in 3, 6 & 12. He! He! As for me I buy none of the pack because I buy in carton like buying cigarette. I usually buy in 12 boxes of condoms, 6 box of 'smooth' type & 6 box of 'rough' type. Where can I buy so much condoms? I can 't really buy it at any supermarket or seven-eleven of course,  the cashier will sure gave me funny look. No I bought it at my usual clinic as it got my favorable brand ( He! He! Approved by GF! ) & most importantly the lady dispensary just gave me my condoms & no question ask although she did gave me some 'funny' look& she either pity my GF or envy her!

Now to all my dear reader.............How do u buy your condoms?

I Want To Attract Ladies!

Are you a lonely guy like me? I have spent many lonely weekends alone with just my dog for companion playing computer games. This is no so for some of my friend who seems to have the power to attract women like fly to sugar. I really envy them. Every weekend they will be having a good time partying & clubbing away while I am quietly playing computer games alone in my small hut.

Why? I want to be like my friend who can pick up women like plucking apple from apple tree. I must find out why I am such a loser when it comes to me trying to attract ladies. Perhaps I should ask my friends to see if there is anything’s wrong with me physically or is it due to me being a very shy guy?

So to all my dear readers, can you teach me how to attract ladies & to all my ladies reader can you tell me what you find attractive in a guy. Thank you all so much for all your comment in advance.

Lonely….I Want To Have A DATE!!!!!

Come every Friday & weekend…………..my gang of ‘hamsaplou’ ( Cantonese slang for horny ) friends will be like an expert pickup artist with so many ladies to ‘pick-up’ for their ‘ahem ahem’ weekend activities. Me………..I am also a ‘hamsaplou’, just look at my nick……….I am Horny Ang Moh, but unfortunately for me the only lady I manage to ‘pick up’ every weekend ( actually everyday ) is my one & only gf.

Why like this arrrr???? I want to meet women easily like my friends so that I can have a wonderful ‘ahem ahem’ weekend. What is it that my friend have that I don’t have?

Ok! Ok! I know they got a ‘banana’ but so do I, well maybe, are their banana are bigger than mine?

They are more handsome than me? Well I am not exactly handsome but then my gf always call me ‘big baby’ so I take that I am cute!

Is it because my friend have big car? Yes! I know that lady pick their guy depending on what sort of car they drive. Yes my friend drive sport car & executive car. But I don’t think I lose in this area, because I drive the biggest car among then! He! He! I drive a big diesel 4X4 truck! So any lady with me in my big diesel truck should feel very safe!

Is it because they are rich??? Now this I got to admit defeat. My friend got big bungalow & condominium where as for me I just got a hut, living in the countryside rearing a few chickens & growing some veggies.

So I conclude to be a successful ‘hamsaplou’ picking up ladies for ‘ahem ahem’ weekend u must be very rich! It does not matter if u r handsome or not & the size of the car u drive! I am cute & I drive a big ass diesel truck but because I am poor I got to stay alone with my chickens & I only got to ‘ahem ahem’ my gf!

So to all my dear readers, r u a successful pickup artist or r u likes me, lonely every weekend? Do teach me some of ur tips on ‘how to meet women’. Thank you very very much.

Oh please don’t let my gf know that I am dying to meet women, other women to have a very good ‘ahem ahem’ weekend! My gf will kill me!

Horny Answers 4 'Unsual' ????

Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR? A: It's Braille for 'suck here'. ( Hemmm.........I should have know use this 'knowledge' last time to 'suck' my gf 'nen nen' ) Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS? A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.' (Now I know! Next time I should just ask gf which type of kiss she want? Normal? French? Australian? OR EXTRA SPECIAL AUSTRALIAN KISS!!!!) Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS? A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear. (Hemmm........if I have kept all my used 'dom dom' it will be more then enough to make a small bicycle tire! This is because gf always prefer my 'di di undress'!!! Anyway I always deposed my used 'dom dom' in empty Maggi mee bag!) Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN? A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them. (Oh Yes! Some lady r really a hurricane when u have poke them long enough!) Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING ? A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch... (Ok! I will try to see if gf rub her eyes next morning!)

U Wash 'Didi/Poosie' First When Going 2 Bath?

When you step into a shower, which part of the body do you wash first? Please select a body first? A. Chest *( Nen Nen for lady ) B. Face C. Armpits D. Hair E. Privates ( Poosie for lady, 'didi' for guy ) F. Shoulders G. Others ( As in butt ) Now Scroll Down To See What Your Answer Means.

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A. Chest: You are a practical person. Straightforward and do not beat around the bush. To you, convenience is of paramount importance. You hate to be distracted when concentrating and are impatient with people who do not see things your way. A good sex partner and willing to try new things. Your best partner in life will be those who choose D (Hair).

( I am sure most lady will wash their 'nen nen' first! I suppose 'inpatient with people who don't see their way' apply!!! )

B. Face: Money is important to you and you will do anything to get it. Integrity and dignity is not important. You feel that friends are there to be used and life is one big hassle. Other people find it hard to understand you, but you are not concerned as to what they think. Very self-centered person. Average sex partner as too selfish and tend to be absorbed in self pleasure at the expense of your partner. Your best partner in life will be those who choose E (Privates) and G (Others).

C. Armpits: You are a dependable and hard working person. Generally very popular person as you are very down to earth and willing to help others. Tend to get yourself into trouble as you cannot tell whether people are genuine towards you. Make very poor sex partners as you are the working type with average talent. Your best partner in life will be those who choose F (Shoulders).

D. Hair: Artistic type. Daydreaming is your hobby, but you can achieve what most other people cannot. Dedication is lacking, but you will work tirelessly towards goals which are to your liking. Money is not important. Friends are but only intellectuals and fellow artistic types. Make the best sex partners as you are most willing to explore and please the other partner. Talent is your main strength. Your best partner in life will be those who chose A (Chest) and E (Privates).

E. Privates: Shy type. You lack self confidence and tend to be bullied by others. You do not have lots of friends as others find you boring and unattractive. Perseverance is not your strength and you tend to give up easily and at the first opportunity. However, you make an above average sex partner. You are able to show your true emotions to very few people. Hence in sex, you find your inner strengths. Your best sex partner in life will be those who choose B (Face) and D (Hair).

F. Shoulder: A born loser. You fail in everything that you do. People dislike you and you tend to spend your time alone. Your type have been known to be heavy gamblers and drinkers. You see the world as a living hell. Money and power is also important to you. But your luck will always fail you. You make a lousy sex partner. You will find it difficult to find a partner in life. Those who choose C (Armpits) are your only chance.

G. Others: You are a very average person. Undoubtedly, you have your inner strengths, but people find it hard to see. You must learn to be a little bit more adventurous and see your potential. Deep down, you are very like able person with very few faults. However, the key will be to make your strengths stand out and not just hide you weakness. You are an average sex partner. You have great fantasies about different techniques, but unfortunately are not brave enough to try them out. Your best partner in life will be those who choose B (Face). So to all my dear readers which part of ur body u wash first when u go 2 bath?!!!! Ah if u want to know which part of my body I wash first, u r most wellcum to take a bath with me! But invitation only apply to ladies..............No way am I going to take a bath with any guy!!!!