Sexerise! For Better Health & Burn Calories!!!

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent - 12 Calories
Without her consent - 2,187 Calories

I know as I have try to 'rape' gf & removing her cloths is a real pain in the ass.............now I understand why a lady takes ages to get dressed!

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands - 8 Calories
With one hand - 12 Calories
With your teeth - 485 Calories

I have no try my teeth before but with more practice u will get the hang of it.

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection - 6 Calories
Without an erection - 3,315 Calories

This I have no idea as it is my gf who dress my 'bro'! And with practice she is now quite good in condoming up my cock!

POSITIONS:
Missionary - 12 Calories
69 lying down - 78 Calories
69 standing up - 812 Calories
Wheelbarrow - 216 Calories
Doggy Style - 326 Calories
Italian chandelier - 2,912 Calories

Try all the above except the 'Italian chandelier'..........Actually I have no idea what style is that & beside peasant fellow like me don't have any chandelier just cheapo flo lamp! But I can say try banging for 20 minutes in any of the above will make u sweat like a wild boar in heat!

ORGASMS:
Real - 112 Calories
Fake - 1,315 Calories

So far all is real for gf...........Hemmmmm maybe because of this she didn't look too tired whereas for me I am all wet as to make her cum I have to work real hard!

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging - 18 Calories
Getting up immediately - 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately - 816 Calories

No really applicable for me as I do sometime get out of bed to have a few puff after a good banging sexerise!

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years - 36 Calories
30-39 years - 80 Calories
40-49 years - 124 Calories
50-59 years - 1,972 Calories
60-69 years - 7,916 Calories
70 and over - Results are still pending

This I am not really sure as a good blow job will get my 'equipment' all charged up in no time!

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly.. - 32 Calories
In a hurry - 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door - 5,218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door - 13,521 Calories

This is not applicable to me as so far I never get dressed after banging my gf & so far I have only bang my gf.............He! He! Maybe next time I bang some other lady & try?

Results may vary! So to all my dear readers, what do u think of the above? Have u try it out?

OH BTW THERE'S A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD!
Right now, as you read this,
69 Million People are having SEX ! He! He! So R U banging ur gf/wife now? Or r u still on ur computer reading my crappy entries?

Darling 'U R Beautiful'!!!???

I am being 'force' to say 'Darling U R So Beautiful' even if she is so ugly ( Now tell me how can u say a lady is beautiful when she put on her 'beauty mask'??? ). To all my dear readers surly u do ask ur hubby/bf how beautiful u look after u just have ur hairdo don't u? Yes! This is the most common time when a lady ask this question ' How do I look? '!!!

Trust me on this I know! And my answer is 'Honey! U look fantasTIT! Shall I 'poke' u now?!!!' Last time I use to answer back 'Aiyoh! Why spend so much on ur hairdo? What u spend on ur hairdo can pay for the whole month living expenses! Yah Lah! Of cause u look beautiful after spending so much!' And the result from this remark is 'NO POKEING for the whole week!!! & my gf will be sulking for the next few days!

Now read the following & read my ending:-

Telling your wife she's not pretty may soon be an offense

By MUGUNTAN VANAR

KOTA KINABALU: A husband telling his wife that she is no longer pretty in an attempt to humiliate her can be classified as an emotional violence offence if amendments are made to the Domestic Violence Act (DVA)1994.

The plan is to amend the DVA for the inclusion of a clause on emotional violence against women.

Currently, they are only protected only against physical abuse, Women's Development Department director-general Datuk Dr Noorul Ainur Mohd Nur said.

She said on Wednesday that the aim for proposing the amendment was to safeguard women both physically and emotionally.

Dr Noorul said emotional violence was a form of abuse that would deeply scar a woman and lower their self-esteem, dignity and self-confidence.

“It could be a case where her husband tells his wife she is ugly or humiliates her until she feels emotionally pressured,” she told reporters at the end of a seminar on how to curb violence against women at Wisma Wanita here.

She added they were in the process of bringing the proposed amendments to Parliament.

State Community development and Consumer Affairs Minister Datuk Azizah Mohd Dun closed the seminar organised by Sabah Women’s Affairs Department.

Azizah, in her speech, said that there was a need for the law to protect emotional violence against women.

Now due to this I have no choice but say 'Honey U R So Beautiful'! I am a poor fellow I cannot afford to be sue by any ladies up-side down & in-side out!

Oh yes, I do believed ladies need 'protection' against 'emotional violence' but how about us guy? Don't we need 'protection' too? What will happen if the following happen?

My gf scream at me 'U r really useless! Good for nothing buffalo! Not! U r not even qualified to be a buffalo! U got such a short DICK!!!& it is SOFT too!!!' Now tell me my dear readers will I be 'emotional raped'??? Can I sue my gf? Where is my recourse? Where can I get help & heal my 'emotion'???

So tell me, my dear readers what is you opinions?

P/S My gf is really 'beautiful' ok...............& He! He! The above 'conversation' never did take place ( I hope it never will! ) & please I don't not qualifiel to be a 'buffallo'!

On Heat! I Am On Heat!

R u on heat? By this it normally meant u r real horny...........ready do to poking ( fucking ) or to be poked if u r a lady. Well I am a real horny guy, well online that is ( in real life I am a very boring fellow ) so I am on 'heat' most of the time, every ready to poke into any available 'hole'!

Nah! This post is not about 'on heat'...........it is about real heat. It is so damn hot lately. The weather is like going on heat wave. So very very hot! So to all my dear readers what do u do in during this hot weather?

Take a bath! That is what I do as taking bath is the cheapest meant to keep cool. But it is like taking a 'hot' bath instead as the water is also 'hot'. So right after bathing I am all in sweat against!

Switch on air-con! Well for most people but poor bum like me can't afford the electric bill, so only switch on air-con if bathing method fail.

Take off all your cloths! Wear nothing! Now that is what I do! He! He! Of cause I can do this as I leave in the country side with no neighbor around. Wow! It feel real nice to go about naked, it feel real windy & nice 'down there'! Now how nice that will be if we didn't discovered wearing cloth.

Now this should solve my 'heat' problem except it made me go on 'heat' instead! Now seeing me going about naked in the house make my gf real horny & of cause she fondle & play with my 'bro', that make me go on 'heat' mode so poking session started & that make me sweat all over against!

So to my dear readers all the above methods don't work for me. Any other suggestion? So how do u keep cool in this hot weather?

Hamsap ( Horny ) Joke!

Failure is not when ur girlfriend leaves you...
It's only when u leave her a virgin.

Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both r pregnant!
Tragedy: When U r Not responsible 4 both!

The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of Sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female. And you always wondered why the sea tasted Salty?!

Why is it that a girl looks down when u say I love u?
To see if u really mean it!

Why is sex similar to shaving?
Well, because no matter how well u do it today,
tomorrow u have to do it again.

Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.

Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-olympic sex .
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 Years.

The stock markets now are like an old man's dick?
Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone is still getting fucked!

This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread the slogan: We stare because we care!

The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls.
The Lord Almighty sentenced them to: Hang Till Death !

A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in.
He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.

What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?
Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.

If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
Tit-Bits.
And if it bursts in a man's underwear?
Banana split.

What's the diff between a bomb n a condom?
In a bomb blast population decreases & if a condom blasts population increases.

'Nen Nen'(Breast) ABCD!!!!!!!

'Nen nen' or breast as in English is a very fascinating 'topic' for any normal guy ( not applicable for gay-lou who are interested in butt & rod ). Now we all know or rather heard about 'nen nen' cum in a few different size as in ABCDEF..............try to buy bra for ur gf or maybe even try to buy a nice bra for ur mummy as a mother day gifts & the sale girls will ask u!

"What is the size? ABCDEF cup size? & how many inches?!!!" Now u tell me what is ur gf 'nen nen' size or ur mummy's 'nen nen' size ( for the good son who intended to buy bra as monther day gift )! Ha! Ha! I am very sure most of my guy readers will be scratching ur head wandering what is ur gf 'nen nen' size! It is ok as in this post I will show to u the picture of different 'nen nen' size! Please don't read this post while in office as the 'nen nen' pictures are real & not cartoon!

.....

.....

.....

.....

.....

.....

.....

Now this is A size..........very nice don't u think so? Sheezzzzz my gf is this size! He! He! Just to let my dear readers know ok. Pls don't lets my gf know! She will string up my ball if she know!

Now this is really beautiful! Much nicer that the 'nen nen' in A size. How I wish my gf 'nen nen' is a B-sized. Well at least I got something to 'hold' on to & cupped!

From B we 'up-graded' to C -class ( Now am I posting like a car salesman? C-class as in Merc car! )! Wow! This is big! Dam looking at the pic I suddenly have the urg to suck some milk. Oh! I meant drink some warm milk!

Gosh! Look at D size 'nen nen'??? Oh! How I wish I could buried my face in this pair of great 'nen nen'! Hemmmmm! Now I am thinking of eating either a papaya or a water melon!

This is what happen when u enhance a D size 'nen nen'. U end up with E-sized 'nen nen'! Look I don't want to suffocated under those E-size 'nen nen'! What do u get if u up-graded or enhance an E-size 'nen nen'???? Should u be afraid, after all I did mention I don't want to 'suffocated' in E-size 'nen nen'? Oh! Yes! I think u should be afraid, very afraid, in fact u should be frighten!!!

.....

.....

.....

.....

.....

Nah! This is how a F-size 'nen nen' look like! See! In fact so frightening that there is no live 'cock' around so the three ladies will have to made do with a 'plastic cock'!!! He! He! Hope I haven't frighten off my dear readers!

Dead Cock!

Take a short break from stress and enjoy this joke my dear readers. Ok, this is how it sounds like:

Judge : "You want to divorce your husband for threatening you with his DEADLY WEAPON?"

Wife : "You got me wrong, Your Honor. I'm divorcing him for threatening me every night with a DEAD WEAPON!"

Hope u enjoy this very short entry..........He! He! No much 'activities' due to 'dead cock'!!!

Farking 24/7!!!

A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits was of breeding bulls.

They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."

They walked a little further and saw another pen with a sign that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year."

The wife hit her husband and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walked further and a third pen had a bull with a sign saying, "This bull mated 365 times last year."

The wife got really excited and said, "that's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one"

The husband looked at her and said, "Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow."

And that, my dear readers is the problem! Now if I get to poke different ladies every night of the year I will be farking 24/7 but alas there is not such job as a ‘breeding human’!!!