Farking/Sex Is Good! So Fark EveryDay!

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce large amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth. ( So ladies if u want to have shiny hair & baby smooth skin..........get POKED everyday! BTW I do provide 'poking' service. )

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2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow. ( I suppose wild bed shacking poking will 'heal' all this problem in no time! )

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3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.( This I truly believed in as after every poking session with gf I end up half dead where as gf always said ' Some more horny!!!!' )

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4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers! ( It is 'safe' only if u do poking on the floor as I have broken my bed & even fall off the sofa when doing poking on it! Dam it is very painful if u fall on ur upright 'didi'! )

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5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being. ( All quarrel & disagreement is being solved by having a poking session! If the quarrel is very serious then get ready for a very long poking session! )

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6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy! ( Yes! This is very true but u will end up half dead for the guy! )

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7 Sex is the safest tranquillizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM. ( Yeah! Yeah! That is why after a long & heavy poking session I will sleep like a dead log! Oh yes! Whenever I couldn't sleep I will poke my gf! Ha! Ha! Ha! )

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8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up. ( This I am not very sure..........beside what if I do most of the kissing? Like on the 'nen nen' & down there? )

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9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain. ( He! He! To all my readers..........next time if u do have a humongous facking headaches just say to ur partner..........'Lets do some facking now! I have a very big headache! Instead of asking for panadol! )

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10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever. ( So do u have poking session with running nose? Yak! I don't! So I think not applicable! )

There u have it! Facking everyday is goof for u & it do tend to solve most married life problem. But unfortunately for me my biggest everyday problem is MONEY NOT ENOUGH!!! No amount of poking will solve my money problem!

Sexerise! For Better Health & Burn Calories!!!

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent - 12 Calories
Without her consent - 2,187 Calories

I know as I have try to 'rape' gf & removing her cloths is a real pain in the ass.............now I understand why a lady takes ages to get dressed!

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands - 8 Calories
With one hand - 12 Calories
With your teeth - 485 Calories

I have no try my teeth before but with more practice u will get the hang of it.

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection - 6 Calories
Without an erection - 3,315 Calories

This I have no idea as it is my gf who dress my 'bro'! And with practice she is now quite good in condoming up my cock!

POSITIONS:
Missionary - 12 Calories
69 lying down - 78 Calories
69 standing up - 812 Calories
Wheelbarrow - 216 Calories
Doggy Style - 326 Calories
Italian chandelier - 2,912 Calories

Try all the above except the 'Italian chandelier'..........Actually I have no idea what style is that & beside peasant fellow like me don't have any chandelier just cheapo flo lamp! But I can say try banging for 20 minutes in any of the above will make u sweat like a wild boar in heat!

ORGASMS:
Real - 112 Calories
Fake - 1,315 Calories

So far all is real for gf...........Hemmmmm maybe because of this she didn't look too tired whereas for me I am all wet as to make her cum I have to work real hard!

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging - 18 Calories
Getting up immediately - 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately - 816 Calories

No really applicable for me as I do sometime get out of bed to have a few puff after a good banging sexerise!

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years - 36 Calories
30-39 years - 80 Calories
40-49 years - 124 Calories
50-59 years - 1,972 Calories
60-69 years - 7,916 Calories
70 and over - Results are still pending

This I am not really sure as a good blow job will get my 'equipment' all charged up in no time!

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly.. - 32 Calories
In a hurry - 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door - 5,218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door - 13,521 Calories

This is not applicable to me as so far I never get dressed after banging my gf & so far I have only bang my gf.............He! He! Maybe next time I bang some other lady & try?

Results may vary! So to all my dear readers, what do u think of the above? Have u try it out?

OH BTW THERE'S A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD!
Right now, as you read this,
69 Million People are having SEX ! He! He! So R U banging ur gf/wife now? Or r u still on ur computer reading my crappy entries?

Hamsap ( Horny ) Joke!

Failure is not when ur girlfriend leaves you...
It's only when u leave her a virgin.

Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both r pregnant!
Tragedy: When U r Not responsible 4 both!

The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of Sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female. And you always wondered why the sea tasted Salty?!

Why is it that a girl looks down when u say I love u?
To see if u really mean it!

Why is sex similar to shaving?
Well, because no matter how well u do it today,
tomorrow u have to do it again.

Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.

Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-olympic sex .
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 Years.

The stock markets now are like an old man's dick?
Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone is still getting fucked!

This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread the slogan: We stare because we care!

The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls.
The Lord Almighty sentenced them to: Hang Till Death !

A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in.
He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.

What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?
Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.

If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
Tit-Bits.
And if it bursts in a man's underwear?
Banana split.

What's the diff between a bomb n a condom?
In a bomb blast population decreases & if a condom blasts population increases.

Farking 24/7!!!

A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits was of breeding bulls.

They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."

They walked a little further and saw another pen with a sign that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year."

The wife hit her husband and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walked further and a third pen had a bull with a sign saying, "This bull mated 365 times last year."

The wife got really excited and said, "that's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one"

The husband looked at her and said, "Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow."

And that, my dear readers is the problem! Now if I get to poke different ladies every night of the year I will be farking 24/7 but alas there is not such job as a ‘breeding human’!!!

Pokeing (Fucking) Kaw Kaw 2night! Valentine Night!

While most of us will be having Valentine dinner, Valentine walk in the park ( I use to do that long long time ago trying to steal to kiss gf on the pretax that it is Valentine Day while all the mozzy is having a great time sucking out both our blood!!! ) & I do believed for the guys u will be try ur best to POKE the ladies while the ladies will hope that the guy will buy u a ‘diamond’ rings ( 99.9 % it will be fake diamond unless ur bf is dirt rich ) instead of just sending flowers, now am I correct or not? Well I will be doing the following:-!

Yes! I just bought 3 boxes of condom! Yes the sale girl gave me that ‘dirty’ look & this time she even rise her eye brow! Hey! This are for Valentine Night! First thing first………..I will take a very long bath cleaning myself inside out especially my ‘equipment’ ( Aiyah that is my ‘bro’ lah ) after that I will give my 'equipment 'one finale cleaning using liquid soap! As for gf I am sure she will shave ( Aiyah no need to ask where she shave lah!.........But if u want to know poke in here! ) herself clean using my shaver! After that I will make sure my Pokeing room is free from any mozzy ( It is most terrible to discovered that while u r pokeing ur gf half a dozen mozzy are also pokeing u & gf sucking ur bloods! )! Hemmmm maybe on the other hand I might just poke my gf in the living room! Well depend on the mood Ok!

Anyway I shall poke kaw kaw tonight! Well to all my dear readers what is ur plan 2night!

Condoms Buying!

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,

"What are these, Dad?

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"

The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday."

"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers, “TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....."

Now to all my dear readers…………How Do U Buy Condoms? In 3,6 or 12??? Well as for me I buy in box pack of 18….usually buy 3 boxes at one go! The sale girls always give me a funny look whenever I pay for the 3 boxes of condoms! I really wander what she is thinking! I do hope it is
‘Wow! This is a real STUD!’ & it is not ‘Poor girls!’!!!

Sexy Pic! Have A Look & Ans 2 Questions! ( NSFW )

Have a look at the following pictures! Now look carefully & answer two simple question at the end of this post!

Wah! See this sexy lady! Big 'nen nen'( breast ) & long sexy leg! Wah skirt so short!

Now look carefully! Did u see what I see???

See! This car seat can be adjusted if u got long leg!

Dam! How can I concentrated on this car! Wow! Now to all my dear reader! DID U SEE WHAT I SEE!!!

Nan! Another close up view! If u cannot see what I see I think u better have your eye checked!!!

Ok! Having look at all this above nice picture, please scroll down & answer two simple question!

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Question 1! Tell me what is the color of the panty the lady is wearing!

Now did I heard u say meat color or did I heard u say THE LADY IS NOT WEARING ANY PANTY!!!!!

Very good! The answer is the lady is NOT WEARING ANY PANTY! Now u know why at every motor show u can see photographer laying on the floor taking 'underside' photo!

Question 2! Tell me what is the color of the car she is modeling?!!!

What??? What color arrr??? Aiyoh! U don't know the answer arrr??? Ok u are allow to scroll back & have another look & at the same time have another look at the lady poosie!

He! He! Now to all my readers who are working today can go back to work! To those who are no working or no longer have a job you can have a few more look or can read up all my 'horny' post under 'horny' label just to cheer up your day!

Remember sooner or later you can find a job! It will not rain forever, the sun will cum out someday! Have a very nice day & do comment on what is the color of the car! :)

May I Poke (Fark) U? How To Say??? Pic Included!!!

Warning! The following picture is not safe for small kids ( Parents if ur kids happen to poke into my site by mistake, please don't 'thiu' me inside out & upside down! )! How many of u guy want to poke ( fark ) a lady but don't know how to say so? Ok! Ok! U can say the directed way ie. 'May I Poke u!!!'..........If the lady is the 'open' type she may say YES! But in most case u will get a big slap in the face! Trust me I have try before including saying I can see ur nice 'nen nen' ( breast ) in this post!But don't worry I have found the solution! Just bring her to have a walk in the following park!

Nice park to go in! Notice the small statue on the way in?

See the nice sign post?

Close up of the sign post! Hemmmm!!! Very good!

Now look at all this big 'cock' satatues! U can say to ur gf 'my cock' is like those!

Oh! Look at those nice naked lady! Good! Have a look at the statue in the lake? Pokeing upside down!

Another look at the leg!

Hemmm interesting!

Ah! But this want is much better! See u can ask ur gf to tied a ribbon on ur cock! Now this is the perfect 'cock' love by all ladies! 'Mushroom' head! It will give her maximum pokeing pleasure ( Now if ur 'didi' is not like that.....just lied to her ok! Poke in see later! )!

Which type u want! I am sure all ladies will love to drink the water from the right one!

Pokeing through the door! Who say if a lady cannot poke in a locked room!

Another look at pokeing through the door!Ah! U can ask ur lady to do this to u! Don't worry! Tell her u will wash ur 'didi' (cock) with detol soap then follow by the most expensive shower gel ( Washing detol will make ur 'didi' smell like medicine! Surely a lady don't want to eat a banana which taste like detol! Shower gel much better! Smell very nice! ) !

Well if u got two ladies with u u can say 'Want to try this?' But for heaven sake make sure u r strong enough!

This want much better! U can do this at home sitting on the sofa! But make sure ur 'didi' is strong enough for her 'rocking' action!

Wah laueh! If ur gf is a big amazon lady..........u will be like that poor men!

Wow! So very nice! She enjoy it so much that u get a kick in ur face ( Yes! My face do get kicked also! )! Make sure u r strong enough to carried her!

This type everyone can do lah! Both can enjoy 'kaw law'!!!

Well before u & gf leave the park one more big cock to see! If ur gf love ur cock so much she will climb up & have her photo taken!

Well? To all my readers if u want to do pokeing but feel very awkward to ask, then a visit to this park is needed! First poking session is always the hardest! He! He! Unfortunately this 'pokeing' park is in Korea, so any of my readers going to Korea? Do visit the park & post up ur pic! Oh! I am most willing to go to visit this park but I am a poor fellow.........so any sponsorship is most wellcum! I can do all the position shown plus extra! Oh before I forget I accept sponsorship from ladies only! He! He!

I Lick Ur ‘Nen Nen’( Breast ) U Check Mine ‘Didi’ ( Cock )!!!

The no.1 lady killer is ‘nen nen’ cancer, this wan is old news lah! Almost every lady know wan but going to be a no.1 killer for the guy is ‘soft didi’ or better know as erectile dysfunction which is ‘soft didi’ to me! According to a recent new report if guy cannot get his ‘didi’ to stand up he will die as this show that he got weak heart!

Wah lauehhhhhhh!!! This is very scary! But to my dear readers I will now teach u how to check if u have ‘soft didi’ for the guy & ‘nen nen’ cancer for the ladies.

Ok for the ladies according to the doctor u must exam ur ‘nen nen’ in circular motion when u r having bath & check for hard or lumpy part of ur ‘nen nen’. This method is good but I got even better method as I use the most sensitive part of out body to exam your ‘nen nen’! No! No! I am not using my ‘didi’s head’ to check ur ‘nen nen’! Althought that part is very sensitive but it is too sensitive! No! I will be using my lips to rub all over ur ‘nen nen’ & also my tongue to lick it to check for an lump or hard patch in ur ‘nen nen’! After my ‘nen nen’ licking any abnormally will be detected! It is perfectly normal if the whole ‘nen nen’ get firmed up!

For the guy one sure way is to watch ‘nice’ movie ( blue, xxxxx rated ) & see if ur ‘didi’ get hard or not! If still no reaction then watch the ‘nice’ movie & listen to the movie in 7.1 surround sound! What! Still no reaction arrrr??? Then u have to ask ur gf to ‘play’ with ur ‘didi’ & balls also with her soft & tender hand ( Most lady have soft & tender hand unless ur gf is a butcher! )! If still not reaction then ask her to give ur a good bj ( Those without a gf u can still have a bj provided by an ‘ah kua’, only Rm10.00 as informed by my friend! )! Wah if still no reaction then u better quickly have ur ‘didi’ exam by a doctor!

This is a life & death situation so I think it is most appropriated to apply ‘I lick ur ‘nen nen’, u check mine ‘didi’’!!! Oh! To all my lady readers I do give free ‘nen nen’ licking! Sorry guy I don’t do ‘didi’ sucking!!!

Gigolo! As A Career! Part time/Full Time!

Life is getting very hard! Every thing is up! All living expenses are up! Even the price of rice is up ( Too expensive for me so I sometime end up eating bananas only! Luckily I am not a ‘rice-pot’! )! Every thing is up that is except for my salary! I must find an extra job quickly or else I will be in deep shit since I have so many monthly commitments to pay each month end!

But I am a lowly educated fellow, know ‘nuts’ about accounting, mechanical, medical, biological & so on & so forth! In short I don’t have any educational qualification ( paper qualification ). Ok! Ok! I think I might seek extra income working as an odd job man. But working as such it very tiring & I don’t think after a hard day work as odd job man will leave me with enough energy to look after my gf ‘need’ ( pokeing )! Beside all this while I have being employed in the 'service industry' so carrying garbages is out of my league.

I know what I will do! I will be a gigolo! These don’t need any paper qualification ( Even those with good paper qualification like ‘doctorate degree’ might not be qualified as gigolo! Most of this people are ‘geeky’ & lousy in pokeing! ) !

As far as I know, to be a gigolo u must understand the need of a lady & must be good in pokeing. And to be good in pokeing, ur ‘didi’ ( bro/pokeing equipment better know as cock ) must be in excellent ‘working condition’ & not too small! In other words ur ‘didi’ must be able to perform like a ‘jack hammer’ ( the roadside banging equipment used to break up rock ) so that u can bang ur ‘didi’ in full force & at high rpm ( ram per minutes ) into a lady poosie ( All ladies like some form of hard banging! )! Oh! Yes! U must be 'handsome' as well!

I think I am qualified to be a gigolo. I have being pokeing for a long long time ( Just like a pilot, the more flying hours u have, the more experience u r! And with more than 300 pokeing hours under my cock I think I am rather sexperiance! 300 pokeing hours is a rough estimate base on average pokeing session time numbers of days time numbers of years. ) so I should be good!

My ‘didi’ size should be of the ‘correct’ size, as so far gf never complain about it being small ( she always say ‘Oh! U r so big! I can feel u go so deep!’)! Banging like a ‘jack hammer’ I can do that too as I manage to break a bed ( Try to imagine a 95kg ‘jack hammer’ banging at full force! ) once due to excessive ‘ramming’ ( Since that breaking that bed, I have always prefer doing 'pokeing' on the floor! Buying a new bed is dam expensive! ) !

Of cause pokeing ‘performance’ must be of good quality ( big, hot & hard cock )& quantity ( lasting )! It will be terrible if the pokeing last for just 5 minutes! So far, on average my pokeing last for more than 30 minutes ( The longest is one & half hour & the shortest is 25 minutes! ) so I think that should be long enough but pokeing session can always be extended ( Monies is a very good motivation for extended pokeing! )!

Am I a 'handsome' fellow? Well I don't look like Andy Lau or Edison Chan ( Both handsome fellow with one fellow posting up his 'didi' pic in the internet! )! But then so far no ladies had ever say I am 'ugly', most say I am 'cute overgrowth baby' ( Whatever that meant! )! So can a gigolo be 'cute'???

As I am being engaged in the ‘service industry’ it is one of my working life’s mottoes to provide the best possible ‘service’ to all my client, that is ‘good value for money’. In order to provide the best service, training need to be attended & skill needed to be learned & up-dated.

Thus before I really get to become a gigolo I need to have ‘training’ in how to be a good ‘gigolo’! I need to learn the ‘skill’ & ‘technique’ on pleasing a lady need ( Beside this I want to know how much will a gigolo earn! Very important information! )!

This is getting to be a rather long post thus I will blog in detail ( very ‘horny’ entry 18xsx not suitable for kids & holy reader ) on my ‘training’ to be a gigolo in a follow up post.

To all my dear readers your comments are highly appreciated ( only through comments can I know my readers reaction to my horny post )! To all my dear readers u are also most wellcum to ‘link’ me up so that u can know how is my ‘training’ as gigolo going to be! In the meantime have a very nice day!

To Be A 'Stud' ( Pro Poker/Farker ), U Must......

U must eat lotsa & lotsa of 'Tongkat Ali ( a sort of root ), egg & honey' only then u can becum a 'Stud'!!! This sort of food mixture is good for pokeing! Very high energy food. Now after eating such food mixture I am sure I will be 'powerful' enough to do pokeing for days! My 'bullet' will be very well stocked!

In fact I think I will be powerful enough to poke 80 ladies!!! Yes 80 LADIES!!! I am very sure after pokeing so many ladies I will be weak all over! So weak I need a week rest! Now where the hell did I get the idea? Well, read the following!

Goat stud has Dewan in stitches

A QUESTION on the rearing and breeding of Boer goats got the House laughing after a deputy minister insinuated that the “stud” or male goat was playing “hard to get”.

Replying to a supplementary question from Datuk Ibrahim Ali (Ind – Pasir Mas), Deputy Agriculture and Agro-based Industries Minister Datuk Rohani Abdul Karim said the studs for Boer goats were expensive because they were “hard to get”.

“When I first visited a goat farm, I didn’t believe it myself. I call the stud a hero. The cost of this stud is so high and sometimes, the stud can ‘service’ up to 80 goats,” she said as the MPs laughed.

Rohani said the stud would be left to rest for a week and fed with a mixture of “tongkat ali, egg and honey” during this period.

At this point, Deputy Speaker Datuk Ronald Kiandee intervened, asking: “80 female goats, right?” The Dewan erupted into fresh laughter.

Rohani then said the stud could be “loaned” to other goat farms for a fee.

Ibrahim had asked the ministry if it would probe the reason so many goat farms had failed.

Earlier, Rohani told Mohsin Fadzli Samsuri (PKR – Bagan Serai) that Malaysia hoped to achieve 35% of self-sufficiency in goat meat by the year 2015.

Now the problem is finding 'demand' for my 'pokeing service'! Well as they say any new 'service' provided need promotion! So to started of this 'pokeing service' I propose 'Buy 1 Poke Free 2 Poke!'...............'Buy 1 Free 2'!!!

Good or not??? What! Not good enough arrrr???? Ok! Ok! Like this I give free poke to any 'willing ladies' lah! And if 9 months later u have a handsome & cute baby u can give me a big 'ang pow' & maybe help to 'advertise' my 'pokeing service'!!!

To my dear readers, the above good 'business proposal'??? Honestly I need to find way of earning some extra money! Oh! For heaven sake please don't look at me like I am a good goat!

Cut Off Your ‘Didi’!!! Then U Know!!!

In new today! A certain lady minister ( Sure recommended by a lady lah! ) propose that rapist will have their ‘didi’ cut off…..castrated! If they keep on pokeing into unwilling poosie! This is because raping cases is on the increased! Almost every day we can read about all this rape cases in the news. It is now getting to be a dangerous life to be a lady!

I supported the lady minister suggestion totally! Why the poke can’t people control their ‘didi’ urge? Why do they have to poke an unwilling poosie? It is because it is very nice ( Subjective, as I do find it rather enjoying when I pretended to ‘rape’ gf! Of cause gf like it as it is rough play! ) ? Or is it as they say forbidden fruits tasted nicer?

I am very sure if it is implemented there will be less raping around! I am sure guy will think twice before they do any pokeing! I am very sure they don’t want their ‘didi’ to be cut! A man ‘didi’ is a very private & personal ‘pride’ for a guy!

A guy with a small ‘didi’ will always feel ‘inadequate’; it is as if he lack something! All this is because a lady will always prefer a big ‘didi’! ‘ Oh! U r so big’!!! This is what a guy always wants to heard! ‘What the fark! U no got ‘didi’???!!!’ This is not what a guy want to heard if he get his ‘didi’ cut off when he poke the wrong/unwilling poosie/hole! Without a ‘didi’ a man will lose all his ‘moral’ support to live as a man!

He! He! In bad time or when I feel very down in life I do look at my ‘bro’ & think at least I can still poke strongly so life cannot be that bad!

If ‘cutting didi’ becum a law………….. 'Don’t Poke Poke arrr!!! Cut Off Ur Didi!!! Then U Know!!!’ This warning will be used by a lady! ‘ Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! May I poke u???? & please sign here! ’ Written permission needed before a guy can poke into a willing poosie, to prevent any blackmailing by the lady!

So to all my dear readers……….What is ur opinion?

Backside Pokeing/Farking! VVVIP Sodomy!

Apparently a vvvvip is doing backside pokeing ( That is pokeing ass hole! ) against! It is in all the newspaper & a good number of blogger as well! Beginning of this year there is another vvvvip doing pokeing ( But he did poke in the correct hole except he poke the wrong ladies hole! ) so I am most surprise there is another case of vvvip pokeing!

Anyway this fellow is known to like to poke backside hole or whatever the newspaper like us to believed in. What is surprising is what the poke do we have to care about what hole he like to poke in! As long as he can do what he is suppose to do then that is it then!

Anyway I have never try backside pokeing before on a lady that is ( Gf don’t allow me! Say her ass hole is full of shit & might even spoil my 'didi'! ). The idea or image of two guys pokeing each other backside is a bit too much for me! The idea or image of two guy sucking each other ‘didi’ in position 69 is terrible ( Strangely I don’t feel very disgusting if two ladies is to lick each other poosie! I find that very ‘stimulating’ & even sexy! )! I am after all a straight guy!

An ass hole is supposed to pass out shit! Not for ur pokeing enjoyment! I heard from my friend that to poke into an ass hole u will need to lubricate it before u can poke ur ‘didi’ in! And it is much tighter then the poosie u pokes into! And so it is much more enjoyable! This is what my friend told me!

Anyway, it is enjoyable to poke each other ass hole? I heard that a guy g-spot is in a guy ass hole ( Why for god sake a guy g-spot is in the ass hole? ) so a guy will get to enjoy ultimate pokeing enjoyment when he has his ass hole poked!

No! I am not going to try pokeing into a guy backside! On a lady……No problem!

And Now I Fark My Boss Back…..Literally!!!

A continuation from Part 1…………….

I knock on the 5 star hotel room no.3278 where my boss stays at 9.00pm sharp. I am very nervous, just two hours ago I get all the bombs, missile and so on from her. I am getting myself ready for some more ‘bashing’ from her. Aiyoh! It is terrible, horrible & vegetable to work under such a boss!

‘Cum in’………( He! He! Sound like ‘cum in’ to me! )! The room is dimly lighted & I can see my boss lying on the bed reading my report using the bed’s lamp. I went over to her.

‘Horny! Ur report sucks! How am I supposed to recommend u?’

‘Just give me another chance………I am willing to do anythings!’

‘Any things?’ She whispered into my ear! Whoa! I now notice she is dress in a very sexy lingerie sort of night dress!

‘Yes!’ I say breathlessly while I slide my hand into her dress & cup & fondle her B-size breast! Yes! She is not wearing anything underneath! Dam! She look real hot in the dim light ( In actual case she is so so in look but she did have a hot body! A very ‘hot’ MILF! )!

Then while I kiss her she fondle my bulging ‘bro’………that did it! I am out of my pant & whatever I have in not time! And in one swift move I have her in all her naked glory!

I spread out her leg & buried my face between them! Geee!!! She is rather bushy down there ( But not that bad like Cecilia Chung’s! ) so I still get a mouthful of her ‘bushes’ before I can use my tongue to lick & probe inside her very wet & hot lips!

She moan & grasp my hot & throbbing ‘bro’ with her soft hand & then she give me a good bj ( No wander she ask me to have a bath first! )! Yes! Position 69 with her on top & then it is me on top! After that I ram my big & hot ‘equipment’ into her wet & willing pussy! Faster & faster I bang into her! She is moaning & grasping the bed sheets tightly & then she cross her leg behind my back tightly!

Then I give her a good doggy banging! She is real wet & I bang in & out of her like a well oiled engine piston! Yes! I am imaging myself as Michael Shoemarker driving a Ferrari! Except I am ‘driving’ a Ferrari on bed! Gosh! She can really moan when I bang her doggy style ( This style enable deep pokeing, but most tiring for the guy! ) !

After that it is back to the ‘traditional’ style ( Not so tiring! ) & I continue my banging! Sometime fast & furious & then slowly but strongly……….This go on for sometime until my handporn suddenly rang!

OMG! It is gf calling! OMG I forgot to ‘report’ back! Straight away my pokeing performance slow down! I must answer the dam handporn! And I had to do pokeing at the same time as I can’t pull myself out! Not with my boss’s leg wrapped to my back!

‘Huhhh! Darling! How r u now? Ehhhhhh! I am very fine over here! Good night & go to bed ok! Don’t worry about me!’ I grasp all that out in one breath!

‘R u really ok???!!! U sound very tired…….AND WHAT IS THAT MOANING NOISE!’

‘Oh! That wan arrrr??? Aiyah TV lah!!!! Bye I will call u back later! Muah! Muah! Muah!’ And I quickly switch off the phone!

And with some finale banging I exploded inside my boss! Yes! I can see that she really enjoyed my pokeing!

‘U r really a terrible & horrible bugger laying to ur gf! But then u r a very good lover!’

‘What to do? U r my boss! So may I have my salary increments?’

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Sight…………..If only asking for salary increments is that easy! Just bang ur boss & give her a very nice & enjoyable pokeing!

This is just another one of my many ‘horny’ & wishful day dreaming! I still have to work my ass off & perform to get my salary increment which until today still haven’t cum yet!

My Boss Fark/Fcuk Me Strong Strong!!!

As the head of a sale unit in a big organization I have to attend ‘sale convention’ every year. This ‘sale convention’ is normally held in a 5 star Hotel convention hall & of cause I get to stay in this hotel too! In this ‘sale convention’ which is attended by all sale units thought out the whole country, all the sale units head is supposed to learn new tricks in sales & yet more products & of cause to know the organization’s policies & aims.

In actual case, in my opinion I have to attended such ‘sale convention’ to have my ‘hor ny’ brain ‘washes’ with new ideas to pushes for sales & yet more sales! And also in all this ‘sale convention’ will be included ‘motivation’ course which is suppose to motivate the head of sale unite so that the head will be so ‘motivated’ that he will go back home to ‘motivated’ his sale stuff also.

Oh yes! I am most ‘motivated’ during the ‘motivating’ course but to me ( My hor ny opinion! ) the real ‘motivation’ for me is MONEY! Yes! For MONEY I will get all the sale u want! But if I get ‘peanut’ for all my sale effort then I will give u ‘peanut’ sale! And that is my big problem!

Apart from this, the last ‘program’ of the ‘sale convention’ is have a ‘meet the boss’ session! By boss I meant the organization owner/president/ceo/Tan Sri & whatsoever whereby he/she will present award for the best sale unit! After this we get to present our annual sale report to our real boss the sale department head! This I consider is the real purpose of having ‘sale convention’!

Yes! I consider her my boss as my salary, salary increment & whatsoever is base on her recommendations to human resource department! If I do well in the sale I will get my salary increments or else I will be in very deep shit or worse still get transfer to work in ‘Abu Dhabi’( No such luck lah! I don’t mind working oversea! The real case is, I will be transfer to work in KL with a RM2,000-00 salary! This is a polite way to say u r fired! )!!!

In my organization those who do well get to sit in front ( So whatever this fellow suggest will get the boss attention! ) whereas those to do badly get to sit in the back ( I don’t really mind sitting at the back as some ‘meeting’ is so boring that I fall asleep! ) and thus I found myself sitting right at the very back & in fact there are no one behind me! Sigh………….!!!! I better get myself ready for all the incumming bomb, missile & maybe a few pens or even a chairs throw at me by the sale Boss!

And so the reports began by each & every sale heads! He or she will report the sale figures & also how he/she did the sale & how or what he/she will do or plan to do to further improve the sale figures………….Blad blad blad & yada yada yada………this go on & on & on…………. Since I am the last it is almost 6.30 pm before I have my turn to submit my sale performers ( In the meant time I fall asleep! )!

I did all that I can to secure sale & more sales but compare to other I just happen to be the last & so on & so froths………..blah blah blah………yada yada yada & more yada yada ………..( In fact I give her 1,001 reasons why I am the last! )!!!

After this it is her turn to ‘fires’ me! Wah laued!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is……….Her mouth is so…. So…. So…… like a big canon! She is like firing canon balls at me & some more also got bombs & missiles cumming out of her mouth! So of cause all my 1,001 reasons all got shot to pieces!

‘U r one of the tops sale performer 3 years ago! What the happen to u!!!!???’ ( Yes! Three years ago I am a top gun! I sit right next to the big Boss! But for all my sale efforts I get pay by ‘peanuts’ which to me is not really worth the efforts! In fact I almost have to ‘sell’ myself to ‘secure’ sale! But I can’t tell her this unless I want to be in ‘Holland’!!! ) Blah blah blah…………. She ‘fired’ me some more!

Then the phone rang! Phew!!! Save by the phone! It is now almost 7.00pm! Meeting ended! Everybody lets off a sight of relieved & hurried out of the convention hall like scared rabbits!

‘Hor ny! U stay behind!’ WTF! Wah lauehhhhhhhhhhhh!!! She is not finished with me yet! By now I am alone with she & she look at her watch…………….

‘Tell me do u still want to work as sale head?

‘Yes! Mdm! I do! Please give me a chance! I will do any things!’

‘Meet me in my room at 9.00pm as this convention hall will be use for other function! I am not thought with u yet! I shall then evaluated my recommendation on yours sale performance! Oh! Have a bath before u meet me! U r sweating like a pig!’

‘Yes! Mdm! Tq very much for giving me a chance!’

Dam! I am in very deep shit! What shall I do? With no salary increment or worse still what if she deducts my salary? What if she decided to transfer me to KL ( Where it is a very dangerous & very expensive place to work! )!

To be continued…………..

To all my dear readers what should I do????

Updated..............And this is what HAPPEN!!!!!

Big 'Nen Nen' ( Breast ) In Front Of U!!!

What do u do? When u see a lady with big ‘nen nen’? Me? I am a ‘good boy’, I just follow her to the bank & I quay up behind her as I just want to check up my saving account ( I will not be doing THIS to a lady when I 'kaypot' ie busybody a bit ).

I can see that she want to deposit some monies & besides putting her monies on the counter she also ‘put’ her pair of big ‘nen nen’ on the counter too!!! It just happen that the bank counter is about the same high of her big ‘nen nen’ so of cause it look like she put her big ‘nen nen’ on the counter too! She is wearing a low cut some more!

Me? I can see all that as I am just standing behind her! I can see that she is watching over her money being counted while the poor bank teller has a hard time counting her money!

If u r that teller what will u do? Well I have being in that situation before too. I have work as a teller before & I remember one client very well………..Actually I only remember the sight of her big ‘nen nen’!!! Size D I think! She have a very smooth & fair ‘nen nen’ & some more got a few blood vein also! I remember having a ‘hard’ time counting her monies!

So to all my big ‘nen nen’ lady readers………..do u ‘put’ ur ‘nen nen’ on the cash counter too??? If u did that u might just cause ‘trouble’ & give the poor teller a ‘hard’ time!

U Have To Be A Pro-Poker ( Farker )!

A man is driving down the road and have a flat tyre near a 'Service House' ( Pokeing service that is ). He goes to the house, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?

The 'mamak in charge' is more then happy to accept him as he show her his gold credit card, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. She also ask him if he want to have some 'service' which he declined as he is very tired! So he choose a nice room & tries to sleep! As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard, wonderful moaning sound! The next morning, he asks the 'mamak' who make the sound, but she say,

I can't tell you. You're not a pro-poker!

The man is disappointed but thanks her anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same house.

The mamak again more then happy accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the mamak reply,

I can't tell you. You're not a pro-poker!

The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a pro-poker, how do I become a pro-poker?

She reply, you must travel the earth and tell me how many types of poosies there are and the exact number of poosies u have poked. When you find these numbers, you will become a pro-poker.

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the 'service house'. He says, I have traveled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are so many different types of poosie from white to black color & in between got reddish & yellowish types! I can't tell u how many type of poosies I have poked but I can tell u that all this pokeing have made me think of nothings but pokeing in my mind & my life!

The mamak reply, Congratulations! Whoa! U do all that? And now you are a pro-poker!

I shall now show you the way to the sound.The mamak lead the man to a wooden door, where she says, the sound is behind that door.

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I have the key?

She give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door.

She give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from her, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald,...

...silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the she say, This is the key to the last door

The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight.

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. . . But I can't tell you who it is because YOU are not a pro-poker!

DON'T SWEAR AT ME;

I'M STILL HUNTING FOR THE IDIOT WHO SENT THIS TO ME!

( This is not the original version! For the original version poke in HERE! )

Bu*tt Crack & 'Run Light' ( Accidental Exposure )!!!

Jean with low cut is very popular nowadays. Young & fashion trendy ladies love to wear this low cut jean. I suppose it made them look se*xy. Well to me yes, it does made them look se*xy if the ladies have long legs & slim in profile!

But the problem is when the ladies sat down! It expose their bu*tt crack! And also exposed the color of their pan*ty! But is some case I only got to see bu*tt crack but didn't see any pan*ty! I wander why? The lady not wearing any pan*ty or super low pan*ty? If she wear g-string then at least I can see the string. But in this few cases I only see bu*tt crack ( To my ladies readers can tell me if got such super low cut pan*ty? )!

Nice view if the lady have nice bu*tt! But some bu*tt really not nice to see as I can even see pimples on the bu*tt! I am sure all this ladies are aware of the short cumming wearing low cut jean! Because almost all the ladies try their best to pull up the jean! Only a few ladies didn't do that & this are the few ladies with really 'hot' body! I am sure this ladies are aware of the 'disturbances' they are causing & are enjoying every moment of it!

What happen when a lady wear ultra short skirt? She will be the cause of all sort of accident! More often then not wearing ultra short skirt ladies have hot body shape! Dam! How many car slow down to take a closer look when the driver see such a lady walking along a street? More so if the driver just saw the lady hind view! He will slow the car really slow just so that he can see how such a lady will look like in front! That will be the cause of his car being 'kiss' by the car following behind too closely! What a big disappointment if the lady turn out to be so so only! He! He! In most case that is true as she might look very 'hot' from behind only!!!

What happen when ladies wearing ultra short skirt sat down, spread open her leg a litter bit or cross her legs??? If she sat down in a office she will be a big disturbances to the office working environment ( not applicable in office full of ladies )! Every guy will be sitting down staring or try their best not to stare or pretend not to stare! Some guy have to sat down longer as their 'bro' have already stand up! That is why a secretary can have the boss under her control! Try to image a secretary wearing ultra short skirt, office jacket, two top most blouse button unbuttoned & wearing socking some more, seating on the boss table edge! I am very sure the boss will give in to her 'demand' & 'advice' ( not applicable for lady boss or boss who is interested in guy )!

What happen when ladies wearing ultra short skirt sat down & have a drink or have her food in a eating place? This is what happen ! While waiting for her food she open & cross her legs all the time ( Yes! Some ladies do have such habit! ), what will u do?! Not only that, I even saw a lady cross her legs yoga style while chit-chatting with her friends in a cafe! He! He! Luckily she is wearing short pant! If she is wearing skirt that will be a major 'running light' ( exposure )!

It is not my policy to go looking for 'running light' but sometime when such sight is done within ur sight what do u do? As a 100% normal guy I have no choice but look! I have learn my lesson in ' I can see ur nice 'nen nen' ' !!! See & enjoy the 'show' but keep ur big mouth shut! If gf is with u do it without her knowledge ( U will get boxed by her if she caught u staring at other ladies! ).

To my dear lady readers, do u do the above & enjoy all the attention u get? For the guy, what do u do if u saw the above?

No Pokeing! I Can’t Fcuk Tonight!!!

I can’t believed I am going to say this to gf!!! Why! Even an ‘old’ man of 61 years old can poke for almost 1 hour! Me I am a ‘young’ fellow, strong as an gorilla ( So far I haven’t see a gorilla pokeing on animal planet yet so I am not sure if I fcuk like a gorilla! But definitely I don’t fcuk like a monkey! ) & the stamina of a buffalo ( Any other stronger animal? ) have to say:

‘Sorry honey! But I can’t really poke tonight!’

Now please don’t jump to wrong conclusion! There is nothing wrong with my ‘equipment’! I have just check it out when I have my bath just now! It is just that I have being working like a dog ( Working ok! Not pokeing like a dog! He! He! It will be a record if I did that! ) since 10.00am until 6.00pm with a 15 minutes break for lunch!

I am being servicing my two air-cons the whole day! Oh yes I DIY my own air-con servicing! Full detail here ( it is a detail post on how I clean my two Toshiba air-cons, have a look & maybe u want to try it out too! )! It has being a long time since I last service my air-cons! Woah! Inside so dirty! The air filters are clogged up with a thick layer of dust! No wander I am on heat when doing pokeing!

It will be normal to find dust on air filters but I also find hair! The sort of hair u find ‘down there’!!!! I suppose it is mine as gf have shave off hers ( He! He! If u want to know, this is the shaving post )! Ok no more ‘extreme’ pokeing least that I clogged up my air-cons with hair of the ‘private’ type! Oh yes! It will be a major embarrassment if I let air-con servicemen to service my air-con! What will they be thinking???

It is real hard work to DIY air-con servicing! I must being getting ‘old’! Ok! Ok! I must not lost out to the 61 years old man! Just imaging climbing up & down a long ladder & spraying the dirty air-con with water! After all the cleaning have being done, I am half soaked with water & soap & I have two very wet balls! Dam! Tomorrow I have to service my National air- con ( Oh yes! I post that up too )!

So it is litter wander I am dead tired!!! My body is tired! My ‘bro’ on the other hand is not! Hemmmm!!!! Maybe if my gf really want me to poke her I think a nice ‘blow job’ might just persuade me to poke!!!

To my lady readers……how do u persuade ur guy to poke u??? To my guy readers can u still poke if really dead tired??

Very Very Very Important Person Pokeing ( Fcuking )!!!!!

We men, are just a simple human being, born to made mistake! We men, are just like a ‘animal’ which have a basic ‘pokeing’ instinct! Which we sometime just can’t ignore! Well most of the time we can ‘control’ outwardly at least but inwardly our ‘bro’ is busting to free himself & to shoot out the entire bullet in our ‘nuts’!!! Especially when an opportunity presents itself right in front of us! Especially when the ‘opportunity’ is a very ‘hot’ lady!

So what if u r a VVV I P ( very very very important person, as in like a big shot in the society, head of department, head of ………something big! So long as u r well know or famous! )!!! Of cause u will POKE! U do have a ‘bro’ or a full functioning ‘equipment’ don’t u???? Some more the lady is so tempting & she is willing to give ur ‘bro’ a very good ‘blow service’!!!!!

Well u can poke to ur heart content! Like I say before ‘ U allow, I poke lah! ’! Problem is since u r a VVV I P, do check & look before u poke!

Check list!

Where do u poke???

Hotel ( most common venue ) ??? Always go for the high class wan! The more stars the better! Don’t book the hotel room in advance & always do the booking urself! This is to prevent other people from knowing ur ‘pokeing activities’!!! If possible always change the room at the last moment! Since u r a big shot u never know that the room might have being prepared with hidden camera to product ‘nice pokeing’ movie staring u as a very very very famous pokeing star!

Car???

Can do! But the problem is ur car will be as well know as u r! Well u can always drive other less well know car ( since u r a VVV I P u have a few cars )U can always drive to a nice lonely spot with ur gf ( I assume u like lady, but some VVV I P like guy as well or even young boy ) & have a nice pokeing session! But do watch out for robbers or some ‘kaypotmah’ ( busybody ) to check out ur car! For more detail on how to do pokeing in car do check out my ‘car pokeing’ entry!

Check the room!

Is the room unusually well lighted??? Got mirror all over the place including the ceiling? Ok I know it is very ‘stimulating’ to see urself pokeing away! But since u r a VVV I P it is never too careful to be careful! Dim the light!!!

Who r u pokeing???

‘Mutual friend’ sure no problem wan lah!!! Can poke to ur heart content! But if she is a casual ‘friend’ then better decline the offer as u r a VVV I P!!! But if it is a PPP ( pay per poke ) then can consider as she is ‘service’ which u pay for!!!

The above check list is very simple & easy to carry out! It will surely save the VVV I P a lot of trouble & embarrassments later!

This post is created as a reminder to me as who know later on I might just becum a VVV I P!!!! Right now I am not a VVV I P & also not famous! So even if I poke the wrong hole I will have a painful ‘bro’ & only my gf know & also nobody will give a dam!!!

So to my dear readers any other ‘precaution’ I should take to do pokeing when I becum ‘famous’???? All comments are highly valued!!!