Backside Pokeing/Farking! VVVIP Sodomy!

Apparently a vvvvip is doing backside pokeing ( That is pokeing ass hole! ) against! It is in all the newspaper & a good number of blogger as well! Beginning of this year there is another vvvvip doing pokeing ( But he did poke in the correct hole except he poke the wrong ladies hole! ) so I am most surprise there is another case of vvvip pokeing!

Anyway this fellow is known to like to poke backside hole or whatever the newspaper like us to believed in. What is surprising is what the poke do we have to care about what hole he like to poke in! As long as he can do what he is suppose to do then that is it then!

Anyway I have never try backside pokeing before on a lady that is ( Gf don’t allow me! Say her ass hole is full of shit & might even spoil my 'didi'! ). The idea or image of two guys pokeing each other backside is a bit too much for me! The idea or image of two guy sucking each other ‘didi’ in position 69 is terrible ( Strangely I don’t feel very disgusting if two ladies is to lick each other poosie! I find that very ‘stimulating’ & even sexy! )! I am after all a straight guy!

An ass hole is supposed to pass out shit! Not for ur pokeing enjoyment! I heard from my friend that to poke into an ass hole u will need to lubricate it before u can poke ur ‘didi’ in! And it is much tighter then the poosie u pokes into! And so it is much more enjoyable! This is what my friend told me!

Anyway, it is enjoyable to poke each other ass hole? I heard that a guy g-spot is in a guy ass hole ( Why for god sake a guy g-spot is in the ass hole? ) so a guy will get to enjoy ultimate pokeing enjoyment when he has his ass hole poked!

No! I am not going to try pokeing into a guy backside! On a lady……No problem!

How to Make a Woman Happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. a friend ( Women like to talk their heart out to a 'friend'! )

2. a companion ( Especially on Shopping Expedition! )

3. a lover ( Both mentally & physically more about this below! )

4. a brother ( Women can talk more freely to their brother! NOT UR 'BROTHER'! )

5. a father ( She need a fatherly figure when she is sick & down! )

6. a master ( She like to throw all her worrys & problems 2 u 2 be solved! )

7. a chef ( She want to have good foods! Quantity is no important! Quality is! )

8. an electrician ( When her hair dryer exploded u r expected to repaired it! )

9. a carpenter ( When her make-up chair broke u r expected to repaired it ASAP )

10. a plumber ( When the pipe broke while she shampoo....u know lah...)

11. a mechanic ( U don't expected her to change the wheel do u? )

12. a decorator ( U r to help her to arrange table flower! )

13. a stylist ( Agree to all her hair style by nodding ur head off! )

14. a sexologist ( For more detail see below! )

15. a gynecologist ( Don't Poke when her 'aunty' cum! )

16. a psychologist ( She is always korrect! Korrect! Korrect! )

17. a pest exterminator ( Get rid off all the rats, cockroaches etc...!)

18. a psychiatrist ( Have to know how to perform emergency 'relieved' for her! )

19. a healer ( Same a above! )

20. a good listener ( This is a 'skill' all men must learn! A lady got two 'mouth'!! )

21. an organizer ( Learn to tidy up room after pokeing session! )

22. a good father ( Take care of the kids! It is due to ur pokeing! )

23. very clean ( Wash ur 'didi' very very clean! Or else......No Pokeing & BJ! )

24. sympathetic ( Learn to say 'Oh! Sayang! Sayang! )

25. athletic ( How to have long pokeing session if u r weak? )

26. warm ( All ladies like a 'hot' didi'! )

27. attentive ( She is ur women! So u lost all ur freedom! )

28. gallant ( Try to get urself raped when a rapist threaten her! )

29. intelligent ( Try to act like a clever dim wick! )

30. funny ( Laugh at all her dull joke! )

31. creative ( Don't always poke in the same position! See below for detail! )
32. tender ( Don't poke strongly all the time! )
33. strong ( Try to have a 'strong didi' for 45' at least! )
34. understanding ( No pokeing when her 'aunty' cum! )
35. tolerant ( Try not to faint when she use up all ur CC limit! )
36. prudent ( Always approve all her spending! Women know best! Remember! )
37. ambitious ( Aim to be a manager when u r really an office boy! )
38. capable ( Try to change the light when u know nuts about electricity! )
39. courageous ( Don't cry & eat when she cook u a plate of chilies! )
40. determined ( Don't be scare of her killer dog when u visit her! )

41. true ( For heaven sake tell her u r a 'virgin' when really u r a pro-poker! )

42. dependable ( Gave her unlimited $$$$$! )

43. passionate ( See below for more detail! )

44. compassionate ( Try to cry loudly when ur in-law pass away! )

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly ( Honey U R Very Sexy! )
46. love shopping ( Very important! All guy must learn! )
47. be honest ( All her shopping r a great 'bargain'!!! )
48. be very rich ( The more beautiful the lady the richer u have to be! )
49. not stress her out ( No pokeing when her 'aunty' cum! )
50. not look at other girls ( Look at ur women only! )

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

From a true case with my gf when I forget her b-day, our ‘pokeing’ anniversaries ( Sometime too tired from working so also too tired to poke loh! ), mess up her bedroom arrangement……….I end up sleeping in the living room!

And even if u do all the above but U R A LOUSY POKER ( FARKER ) ur women will still not be happy! For more detail on how to make a women real happy do poke in my ‘horny entry’ ( Pokeing lessons part 1 to 6! Oh these entries are strictly 18xx not suitable for ‘innocent’ ladies & kids! )!

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

The rest we men will ‘do’ it ourself to make us happy ( He! He! We just need a little 'help' from the lady! )! See! So simple to make a men happy!

Horny In High Court!

Mention ‘High Court’ to anyone..........the first things people has in mind is ‘WTF! U r in big shit!’( I am very sure that is what my readers think by the title of this post! )! Am I in trouble because ‘I have being looking at ‘ladies’ leg? Am I being sued by some ladies just because I have being looking at their sexy & hot leg? Well luckily not, I will be in deep shit if these sexy ladies sue me inside out & upside down!

I happen to go to M’sia high court as my friend has some high court ‘businesses’ to settle. Me being a country side pumpkin just tag along & have a visit to bolehland high court ( I am sure it is a sort of privilege as how many of my dear readers really have a chance visit to 'bolehland' high court! )!

As shown by the pic ( Sorry if the quality is poor as I use my lousy N95 handporn camera! ) M’sia High Court is a very impressive & imposing building ( I am very sure this is where part of my hard earn money as taxes gone to! )! I get to go inside to one of the counter following my friend but unfortunately the counter was closed ( Fri closed by 12.00pm ) so no choice but to look see look see. And what do I find? A bank inside the high court! Maybank! I am very sure to settle bail, summon or to pay 'kopi-O' money & whatsoever will not be a problem!

Walking around look see look see made me very tight ‘down there’! So I have to answer my ‘didi’ natural call urgently! As shown by the pic M’sia High Court toilet not bad! Quite classy like those in a 5 star hotel but unfortunately no toilet paper ( Dam! How to clean my 'didi'? )!

Well that is my first visit to M’sia High Court where I made a ‘deposit’ ( He! He! )& I hope it will be my first & my last visit! High court is not a place u visit & so don’t play play!

Horny's Maths!

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

Horny fellow + horny woman = Lotsa of pokeing = Lotsa of Nightmare & maybe 'forced' marriage!!!

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OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

Horny boss + horny employee = Lotsa of pokeing & no job done ( all done by other dumb employee! )

Horny boss + dumb employee = Free pokeing & job get done

Horny boss + smart employee = No pokeing & have to watch out for court summon!

Smart boss + horny employee = Free pokeing & still have to do jobs

Dumb boss + horny employee = Increase in salary & done litter job

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SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

A horny fellow will try to get is all for free by pokeing!

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GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A horny fellow greatest worry is when he is not horny!

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HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

To be a happy horny fellow he just need pokeing!

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LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do,

but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Horny men will live be young forever as long as they can poke & be horny!

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PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

A horny fellow don't change as long as he is horny!

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DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

All argument will be settle through pokeing for a horny fellow!

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HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Horny's answer is 'Petrol price up! Every things is up! But 'didi' no up! So how to get married!'

Wrong Hole Poked/Farked! Still OK!!! But...........

Any one who do pokeing ( fu*cking ) will know that u do poke into the wrong ‘hole’ sometime either by mistake or on purpose! This is very true if u happen to poke for the first time ( virgin )! In fact finding the ‘hole’ is a problem! On my first poke I need gf to ‘guide’ my ‘bro’ where to poke his big head in!

In the sexitment of intense pokeing I do poke in the wrong hole to be protested by gf! This is no problem & no harm done!

My regular reader will know I have this huge humongous toothache problem last year! I thought I have solve the problem but no my toothache is back! I have a very miserable life! So it is back to the dentist. This time is to solve this toothache once & for all. I will have it pull out!

First the dentist injected me with something in my mouth! Dam painful! After that half of my face gone numb! Then he uses a big plier & took out my big tooth! Wah! I am dam happy as I no longer feel the toothache as my face is still numb!

Reach home! Have a rest! About 2 hours later I took out my blood soaked gauge in my mouth & have a look into my mouth!

I nearly fainted from what I saw!

That fu*cking, terrible, horrible & vegetable dentist have pulled the WRONG tooth! It is my good big molar! No wander he use a freaking big plier! With the pain killer wearing off I can now feel both toothache & pain from the newly pulled tooth!

Dam! It is back to the dentist! I want to sue him inside out & upside down! And I also want to poke all his assistances. Yes! All the three of them even if they are not my type! I am hopping mad! I am rising my voice to sky high! He ask me to wait while he do some things in his office! By now other customers ask me what is the matter! Of cause I say that fu*cking pull out my wrong tooth! Woah! The expression on all their face is awesome! All the five customers left the clinic in record time! I am sure the damage to reputation of the dentist is done!

His reason? He tries to ‘save’ my tooth which is also a molar by pulling out the inner most molar! He says both teeth will be giving me problem! What sort of freaking reasons is that!

I have no choice by to pull out the molar which is giving me hell! And it hurt like hell! It is so painful that I cry & scream! Luckily I am the only customer! Me! A very big & macho guy! What will people say if they know I cry & scream on the dentist chair? I have a sneaky feeling the dentist purposely only injected a bit of pain killer only. It is so painful that two dentist assistances have to hold me down while he pulls out the tooth! I got tears in my eye! Heck! I almost also pee in my pant! It is that painful! No wander it is one of the technique use in interrogation !

Here! Have a look at my two molar! In fact the dentist says my teeth are perfect! My toothache is cost by my swelling gum!

It has being six hours since that ordeal! Half of my face is in pain but I can bear it! It is different from toothache! From today onward my life will change forever! My eating habit will change! No longer can I eat at record time! No longer can I eat my food like ‘gentlemen’ style! I will be eating using only my left side! My right side is now useless with both lower big teeth gone. So how to chew? For this few day I will be eating soft food! Yes! Food like ‘tofu’ ( bean curd )! Oh! Well, it is back to eating gf’s ‘tofu’!

To all my dear readers! What will u do? NOW WHAT WILL U DO IF THE ABOVE HAPPEN TO U???!!!

Cry? Jump up & down? Behave like a baboon on heat? Curse until the cow cum home? Scream ur head off?...............Well I do all the above! So how about u???

The above happen on the 13-02-08! The day when our Monkey/Baboon Parliament is dissolved ( Maybe the farking dentist is so sexited about the news that he pull my wrong tooth! OMG he might even pull out all the teeth in my mouth! )! Until now I miss using my right side of my mouth. Should I use false teeth ( But I heard that with false tooth u can't even eat banana, I am afraid that when I eat my gf 'oyster' that I might left my false teeth inside her?!!! )?

Excuse! Excuse! & Horny Excuse!

This is Malaysia ( Bolehland ) and you should know -

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR HAIR LOSS:

Ajinomoto ( Actually for me I will blame it on being too worry! Money no enough so everyday worry! )

NATIONAL INSTANT FOOD :

Maggi Mee ( This I agree! In fact this is the only food I can cook! )

NATIONAL BREAKFAST :

Nasi Lemak ( Applicable to the west only! Over here it is 'kampua'! )

NATIONAL LUNCH :

Nasi Ayam ( Applicable to the west only! Over here it is also 'kampua'! Well to me anyway! )

NATIONAL SUPPER :

Roti Canai & Teh Tarik ( Applicable to the west only! Over here it is nasi campur! )

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE:

Traffic Jam ( Nowaday I will say bike broke down! Chase by big dog! No thank to fuel price increment! )

NATIONAL CONDOM:

None. Most Malaysians still feel embarrassed buying condoms.So they rushed into a 7-11, hurriedly grab the nearest pack, any pack, pay and leave before the cashier can even blink an eye. ( This I agree! Gf say use 'rubber' don't feel nice! Beside this I only buy my 'rubber' from my regular doctor! She know the type that I like! )

NATIONAL FRUIT FOR INDUCING MENSTRUATION :

Pineapple ( This wan I try before! Gf eat a few big pineapple but where got effect? )

NATIONAL APHRODISIAC DRINK:

Stout. Many Malaysian men swear by it. But then after a few pints they start swearing at everything... ( This I don't know as I don't like Stout! Bitter drink! How could guy drink such drink? )

NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (MEN):

Food Poisoning ( I normally say got headache! So how to work like this! )

NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (WOMEN):

Menstrual Pain ( All the ladies use this reasons! So at month-end sure got a few missing ladies! )

NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY WOMEN WHEN REFUSING SEX:

Headache, kids not asleep, maid not asleep, mother-in-law around, early appointment, food not digested yet, aircond not cold enough, aircond too cold, nail polish not dry yet, forgot to take the pill, sleepy, stomach cramps, period, haven't remove make-up, haven't shower, no water supply, going to watch 'Santa Barbara ', depress, no mood, etc... ( Gf normal excuse is 'aunty' is cumming! But she seldom refuse my pokeing! )

NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY MEN WHEN REFUSING SEX:

None. Malaysian men never refuse sex. ( I agree with this totally! )

NATIONAL CURE FOR DIARRHOEA :

Cap Kaki Tiga. Down one bottle with warm water and you are all 'dried up'. ( So far have not try! )

NATIONAL CURE FOR HEADACHES:

Panadol. The 'cure for all'. If it fails we have another secret weapon - Tiger Balm. ( This I did try & it work! )

NATIONAL CURE FOR NAUSEA :

Moh Fah Kor. ( This I haven't try as I use 'Panadol' which most of us call 'KK' pill! )

NATIONAL CURE FOR DIZZINESS:

Minyak Angin Cap Kapak. ( I use this also! )

NATIONAL CAUSE OF DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES):

Happy Hours. ( Too expensive! Beside the only 'happy hour' I know is pokeing! )

NATIONAL INSTANT CURE FOR DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES):

The sight of a police road block. ( This I don't know, but I do check on my seat belt at once! )

NATIONAL RICE COOKER :

NATIONAL Rice Cooker ( Very true! )

NATIONAL RUBBISH DUMP:

Anywhere. As long as it is not your house. ( He! He! Very true! )

NATIONAL MOST MIS-PRONOUNCED NAME:

Carrefour. Sometimes even pronounced as Carry 4! ( So that is how it is pronounced! )

So to my dear readers, do u agree to the above?

Suck Dry By Two ‘Girl Friends’!!!

For most guy having a gf is consider a blessing! As for me………I have two gf! So I supposed u can consider that a godsend! Having a gf meant u got to have good time together, if she got ‘problem’ it is ur duty as a good bf to solve all her problems. In returned u get to enjoyed her companionship. Oh yes! U also get to POKE her! And that is the ultimate goal of every guy ( Cum on! Be honest guy! That is ur goal! Correct!? Correct!? Correct!? ) !

Well! I am a very ‘lucky’ guy! I have got two gf! I have quite proud to have two gf actually! Poor guy like me can afforded to have two gf! I took real good care of my two gf! Everyday I poke into each of their hole & give it a good twist! A few times a day! Yes they do like me to poke into their hole everyday! If I didn’t they will give me trouble & it will cause me to more trouble to please them ( I did try not to poke them for one week & in returned one of my gf refused to bring me out & I have to spend some monies to ask her out! Dam! My gf really need constant attention! )!

In most case having two gf is not a difficult jobs, it is the ‘maintenance’ part which is troublesome! Thus I am quite happy having two gf . One big & one small! Both got different character!

But all this change after listening to the news! PETROL price increase to RM2.70 & DIESEL price increase to RM2.58!!!! What the fark! Bolehland is an oil producing land! Why compared to non-producing countries? Why not compared to Brunei? How about the profit earned by the national oil company? Where did the money go? Dam! All this increased in fuel price will cause everything to go up! I am very sure condom price will go up by RM1.00 with immediate effect ( Transport changes increased mah! So did the price of rubber also! )!

Dam! Dam! Dam! Everything will go up! Fuel price increased! Fuel price increased! Increased! Increased! Everything increased! Excepts my salary! So how to survive?

Oh! U must be wandering what the fark has the increase in petrol & diesel price got to do with my two gf? He! He! I forgot to mention my two gf in this case are my two cars! A big ass 4X4 2.8cc diesel Mitsubishi Pajero & a small 1.6cc petrol Nissan Sentra! One full tank of diesel for Pajero will cost me RM237.36 & one full tank petrol for Sentra will cost me RM105.00 from now on!!!! I suppose I have to abandon my two gf!

See! Died or not? I will be suck dry by my two gf! Fuel increased! KNNCCB! Life will be very very toughs from now on! Perhaps I shall use bicycle to go to work!